Phule’s Paradise by Robert Asprin

“Umm … a call came in, as you just heard, from Bombest that a reporter and a cameraman from Haskin’s Planet were checking into the hotel,” the lieutenant recited in a monotone. “Lieutenant Rembrandt decided, and I agreed with her, that-“

“Wait a minute. When did all this happen?”

Armstrong studied his watch carefully before answering.

“Approximately fifteen hours ago, sir.”

“Fifteen hours? Why wasn’t I informed?”

“I suggested that at the time, sir. When we tried to get through to you, however, Mother informed us that you had gone off the air less than an hour before to get some sleep, and Remmie said … excuse me, Lieutenant Rembrandt mentioned that you had encouraged her to make more command decisions on her own, so she decided to deal with the matter herself without disturbing you … sir.”

“I see,” Phule said, grimacing a bit himself. Then he cocked an eyebrow at the lieutenant. “It sounds like you were there for the whole thing. Didn’t you say that it was Lieutenant Rembrandt’s shift?”

“Yes, sir. I … I was sort of hanging around before taking my formal shift. I was awake, anyway, sir, and thought I’d give her a hand while I was up. She’s done the same for me several times.”

“You’re supposed to be using your time off to get some sleep and otherwise relax, Lieutenant. That’s why we set up the schedules the way we did. Otherwise, you’ll be functioning at less than peak efficiency if something happens while you’re on duty.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll remember that, sir.”

“Now, tell me …”

“Of course, it would help if the captain set an example for us … sir.”

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