Phule’s Paradise by Robert Asprin

“Opposition,” Maxine repeated, wrinkling her nose. “Really, Mr. Phule. You have such a delicate way of phrasing things. You must meet Laverna sometime. Perhaps it’s a result of your common background in financial maneuverings, but you both tend to walk around a subject verbally rather than acknowledging it for what it is.”

Again Phule was forced to smile. Despite himself, he found himself liking Maxine more and more.

“Old habits die hard, I guess,” he said. “Of course, the Legion itself tends to feed the pattern by encouraging, if not requiring, double talk. For my own information, how would you describe our relationship?”

“Why, we’re rival commanders in a gang war for control of this casino, of course,” Max said with an easy shrug, then, noting his frown, she continued, “Come now, Mr. Phule. Surly you don’t see this as a conflict between the forces of light and darkness … with yourself on the side of the angels?”

“Actually I was thinking that you’re the second person who’s recently described me as the leader of a band of criminals,” the commander explained with a wry smile. “While it’s no secret that Legionnaires often have spotted pasts, I’d rather hoped for a better public image.”

“Spotted pasts,” Max exclaimed with a quick bark of laughter. “There you go again, Mr. Phule, trying to verbally tie a ribbon around the neck of a hardworking mule. We provide the brains and direction for a pack of criminals and live off the profits. There’s no other way to accurately describe it.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t agree,” the Legionnaire said, shaking his head, “though I’m sure you intend it as a compliment to view me as an equal. I prefer to think of what I’m doing as assisting certain individuals in finding constructive, beneficial applications for their talents. For proof, let me remind you that we were assigned to protect this casino at the request of the proper owner, and that we don’t stand to profit from our efforts beyond our normal wages.”

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