Phule’s Paradise by Robert Asprin

He paused to nod his compliments to the guards, but they ignored him.

“Anyway,” he continued, “as I was saying, it was a stupid oversight, and stupidity at my level is unforgivable. It’s also usually fatal, either physically or financially. By rights, I should have been dead as soon as I opened the door without checking first, and I tend to view any time I have after that as a bonus rather than brooding, getting bitter, or attempting any hopeless heroics when faced with the possibility of my eventual demise. I mean, everybody dies sometime.”

“True,” Maxine acknowledged thoughtfully, “though somehow I’ve never been able to accept it as philosophically as you seem to. However, getting back to your father for a moment …”

“Please,” the commander said, holding up a restraining hand, “if this is going to be a long discussion, I’d like something to drink first. I seem to be a bit dehydrated after my nap. Is there any chance you have any coffee or juice about?”

“I’ll get it,” Laverna said, heading for the suite’s kitchenette.

“Excuse me,” one of the guards said suddenly. He was standing at the windows and had just parted the curtain slightly with one finger to peek out. “Did anyone hear a fire alarm?”

“No,” Maxine said, speaking for the whole room. “Why do you ask?”

“There’s a big crowd of people down there, just standing and staring up at the casino. Looks like a fire drill. They’ve got some of those black uniforms keeping the space in front of the entrance clear.”

“Let me see,” one of the other gunman said, moving to join him. “No, it must be a newscast or somethin’. See, those lights … and there’s a camera!”

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