Pilgrim by Sara Douglas

of it!‘ Damn you, father. Your wits must be addled to listen to such nonsense!‖

―There is more, EvenSong,‖ StarDrifter said, ―and the ‗more‘ encompasses hope.‖

He told them of Sanctuary, and the shelter that all would find there.

―And while we shelter in Sanctuary, then by whatever means Caelum and Drago and

Axis and Azhure and every one of the Star Gods and scholars in Star Finger can devise, the

Demons shall be destroyed without the risk of destroying every innocent soul in Tencendor as

well.‖

―Yet the land must be destroyed?‖ FreeFall said. ―I cannot imagine why—‖

―Sometimes,‖ Zenith put in, ―destruction precedes new life. Think of the joy of spring

after the death of winter, and imagine with what zest Tencendor will manage its own

regeneration.‖

―Still…‖ EvenSong said.

―Would you sit here and freeze to death?‖ StarDrifter said. ―Our people will be eating

each other within the month! Already Icarii are dying needlessly. Will you refuse Sanctuary out

of stubborn-headedness?‖

―I will personally carry every Icarii into Sanctuary myself if it will save a single life,‖

FreeFall said. ―So, when do we leave? How far to the Sanctuary?‖

―Well…‖ StarDrifter glanced at Zenith. ―It has yet to be found—‖

―Ha!‖ EvenSong said. ―So you proffer hope, and then snatch it away.‖

―—but SpikeFeather and WingRidge and the entire Lake Guard are searching for it.

Believe, EvenSong. Please.‖

EvenSong stared into her father‘s eyes, then shrugged and dropped her own gaze.

―Wait,‖ she said softly. ―Very well.‖

She straightened on her stool and reached for the chime. ―I shall have servants prepare

you apartments. No doubt you are tired after your long journey north.‖

Zenith lay awake for long hours that night, staring into the cold blackness of her

chamber. There was a candle on the table by her bed, but she preferred not to light it.

Better the darkness, where she could think without distraction. Better the darkness, where

no-one could read her thoughts.

StarDrifter. Gods! What could she do?

She trusted him, she loved him, and she even found him sexually appealing (was there a

woman alive who did not?) but the thought of actually bedding with him made her stomach

heave with repulsion. Over the past three days they had kissed several times, and every time they

laid mouth on mouth Zenith had thought she was finally learning to conquer that repulsion. But

then his hands would become more demanding, his body harder, and Zenith would panic.

Her hands clenched into the bedclothes, and she stared into the oblivion above her.

StarDrifter was being so patient, so kind, so tender—so loving and protective, dammit! He was

sure, as she‘d been sure, that time and patience would cure the damage WolfStar had wrought.

But in these past wakeful hours Zenith had come to realise that her hesitation about being

intimate with StarDrifter had nothing at all to do with WolfStar. True, WolfStar had raped and

humiliated her, but that in itself formed no barrier to Zenith‘s sleeping with StarDrifter.

StarDrifter was everything WolfStar was not: kind, patient, gentle. Zenith was well aware that

StarDrifter‘s loving would be a very, very different thing to WolfStar‘s rape.

But that was not the issue. While she and StarDrifter had been talking with FreeFall and

EvenSong, Zenith had finally realised just why she felt so uncomfortable about forming an

intimate relationship with StarDrifter.

StarDrifter was her grandfather, and her perception of him as her grandfather was the

greatest barrier to being able to perceive, and accept, him as a lover. Zenith had realised, as she‘d

sat about the table with her family this afternoon, that if she and StarDrifter had been lovers, and

that if EvenSong and FreeFall had realised it, then she would have been consumed with

self-disgust and crippled with humiliation. Sleeping with her grandfather?

No matter that FreeFall and EvenSong would not have felt that way, nor even been able

to understand it. They were first cousins, and had indulged in sexual love since childhood.

Sexual relations between Icarii grandparents and grandchildren were not forbidden, nor even

unknown. Gods! EvenSong and FreeFall probably would have welcomed the news that

StarDrifter was bedding Zenith! Zenith and StarDrifter could provide the heir to the throne of

Talon that EvenSong and FreeFall were unable to.

At that thought, Zenith‘s stomach literally did heave, and she rolled onto her side and

curled up into a tight ball. Pregnant with StarDrifter‘s child?

No!

Then Zenith was consumed with self-loathing that she should feel so repulsed by the idea

of sleeping with StarDrifter, or bearing his child.

There was no-one to stop them, and no-one to blame them, if they did become lovers.

There was nothing to stop Zenith loving StarDrifter except her own prudery!

How could she be so ungrateful?

It was StarDrifter who had believed in her enough to beg Faraday to find her when to all

others it seemed as if Niah had conquered her completely. It was StarDrifter who had stood

guard the long nights when she and Faraday walked through the shadow-lands, StarDrifter who

had no thought of his own safety when he attacked WolfStar in order to protect her in those first

vulnerable minutes when she reclaimed her body.

StarDrifter. Always StarDrifter had been there for her. And surely now he deserved some

reward? Something back?

She loved him, so why couldn‘t she give him what he wanted and had every right to

expect?

Because she was ashamed. Disgusted by the idea of taking a grandfather as a lover.

Zenith put her hands to her face and wept.

23

The Arcness Plains

It took time to get thirty thousand odd men and horses to move anywhere save in a forced

march or a blind panic, and Zared did not want to do it either way. Ten days after Layon had first

appeared with her companions to show the men how to weave their shade cloth from the bark of

the goat tree, the army was ready to move.

―North out of the Silent Woman Woods,‖ Zared muttered as he sat his horse, studying the

pathway as it wound its way through the trees, ―and then west, west, west to Carlon, to see how

much of its pink and gold beauty remains.‖

Leagh sat her fine-boned chestnut mare beside him, glad beyond measure to be moving,

but fearing the journey ahead. She wished she still had Zenith here for company. She smiled to

herself. How could she lack for company in this twenty-thousand strong army? And the man she

loved more than any other person beside her day and night?

But it would be better, she thought, if she could have the empathy of a sister-companion.

For an instant her hand touched her belly, but she moved it back to the rein immediately.

Best not to think about that. Not now.

Zared turned his horse and studied the ranks of men stretching into the distance behind

him. Every horseman had a large roll of the goat tree cloth strapped to the cantle of his saddle.

Pack horses further back carried poles gleaned from dead wood and what the trees of the forest

had been prepared to give them. There were far fewer poles than men, but each pole could take

the corners of four cloths, and there would be enough to set up shelter.

Among his entire command, only the members of the Strike Force were not burdened

with any cloth. It was too weighty for them to carry, but there was enough shade for them to

shelter with the ground units when they needed to.

What they would have to do, Zared thought, was practice raising poles and cloth as

quickly as possible. He decided that for the first few days they would have to stop well before

one of the Demons was due to spread his or her horror to give them enough time to erect their

safety.

He raised his eyebrows at Theod and, just behind him, his captain of the guard, Gustus.

Both men nodded. The Strike Force was already lining the forest path, ready to take to the skies.

Zared swung his horse back to the empty path and raised his hand, about to signal the

march…

…and stopped, his hand suspended mid-air, amazed.

Standing on the path before him were the two white donkeys, gazing placidly at him,

their long white ears flopping every which way over their narrow, bony skulls.

After the donkeys had kicked their way clear of the traces when Faraday had tried to

harness them to the cart, they had disappeared into the forest. All presumed they‘d wanted to

resume their meandering.

The donkeys blinked, snorted, then turned and trotted up the path. One paused just long

enough to send an enquiring glance Zared‘s way.

He shrugged, and waved his hand. ―Forward!‖ he whispered, then collected himself.

―Forward!‖

The army slowly snaked its way north through the Silent Woman Woods, led by two

white donkeys, covered from the air by the Strike Force, and watched by an invisible Isfrael