Subject: Extraterrestrial weaponry
The full text of National Bureau of Investigation meetings on statements made by the extraterrestrial, “Dopey,” in regard to weaponry employed by the so-called “Scarecrows” in subjugating or annihilating other extraterrestrial species, is submitted herewith.
Particular attention may be given to the weapons of mass destruction. These included destroying a planet by diverting a large asteroid or comet to strike it and triggering a release of bound underwater volumes of carbon dioxide from its sea bottoms. An even larger-scale effect is claimed by causing a star to go nova, this apparently in cases where the enemy species has bases on several planets or in orbiting habitats within a system.
Submit copies of this text be forwarded to Pentagon Long-Range Planning Section for analysis and determination of possible inclusion in research efforts.
***MOST SECRET***
It didn’t take long to scan through it; there wasn’t much to scan. High school grades, not startling but good. The same in college, with a degree in, of all things, agronomy. (But it was a state college and she’d said she came from farm folks.) No near relatives; “person to notify in case” was a widowed aunt by marriage who lived near Frederick, Maryland, also on a farm. Good scores in basic training, with special commendations in marksmanship and martial arts. Good efficiency rating in cadet school; and, in the field, two more commendations for the job with the radical-right godder groups. Her request for transfer to Arlington listed “to be near family” as the reason, and Hilda smiled at that. The reason was because Arlington was where the promotions were, of course, but Tepp knew enough not to say so. Tepp was, Hilda thought, an awful lot like the young Cadet Captain Hilda Morrisey herself, right out of the training corps and as determined as this one was to make a reputation for herself.
Which meant that Merla Tepp probably had a good chance of going a long way in the Bureau . . . and also that she would bear watching.
That was all right. Hilda had no doubt she could take care of herself against any ambitious junior. Quietly she put through a call to have Merla Tepp join her on the afternoon trip to Camp Smelly.
Hilda liked driving the little two-seater, but this time she let Tepp drive so she could both observe her and chat her up. There was no doubt in Hilda’s mind that Tepp understood this was a kind of audition for the part. She was doing well. She drove competently and fast; stayed on manual even on the highway and expertly passed the vehicles on automatic, keeping up her end of the conversation civilly, respectfully, but not deferentially. Boyfriend? No, no boyfriend, at least not around here-though Aunt Billie was always wanting her to meet some of the young men from her church. What kind of church? Oh, Presbyterian; no, Aunt Billie wasn’t from the fundamentalist part of the family. Friends? Yes, some; she was getting along well with the others in the general scutwork pool; one of the women had suggested the two of them take an apartment together, but she really liked being by herself. And when they pulled into the access road for Camp Smolley Tepp glared at the pickets, defying the chill and damp as they waved their posters, and shook her head. “They’re everywhere, aren’t they, ma’am? They’re really good people, but it’s about time they got a life.”
And Tepp was clearly impressed, as she should have been, by Camp Smolley itself.
Smolley hadn’t been quite mothballed once the United States signed the convention against biological warfare. It still did a little contract research-on phages, for the National Institutes of Health; on diseases that were affecting the Atlantic cod population, what was left of it, and the Nebraska cornfields. But it had kept its tradition of total security. If anything, it was even tighter since Colonel Makalanos had come aboard. He met them at the inner door, looking not at all like a man who had had essentially no sleep for more than twenty-four hours. “You’re a tribute to the Bureau’s wakeup pills,” Hilda told him, “but I want you to get a night’s sleep tonight. This is Cadet Tepp.”
He shook hands, then said, “There’s something I’d like you to look at before we go in to see Dopey. Him? He’s fine. I let him sleep for a while, and now he’s busy telling the debriefers about this universal war that’s going on. Wait, I’ll show you.”
As they entered the workshop room he snapped on a screen, and there was Dopey, speaking in English again. Hilda paused to listen for a moment: “Yes, the Horch managed to penetrate our channel for that broadcast. Fortunately I was able to jam most of their message. What else was in the message? Nothing of importance. Only more of their vile libels against the Beloved Leaders. No, the Horch didn’t come to Starlab in person; that is a foolish question. If they had, I wouldn’t be alive to talk to you. They are utterly ruthless-“
Ruthless, Hilda thought. This from the creature who had cheerfully told them how his own people wiped out whole planets! She noticed a faint smile on Colonel Makalanos’s face, and saw that he was looking at Tepp. The woman’s expression was pure horror as she stared at Dopey.
Makalanos cleared his throat. “Over here, Brigadier,” he said, pointing at a workbench. “You remember the recording device they were disassembling? Well, there was a problem.”
There certainly was. The device was in a sealed cubicle now, glass-faced, with attached sleeves so that the workers could work on it from outside. “Dry pure nitrogen,” Maklanos remarked. “Seems it was taking up moisture from the air-“
And that hadn’t helped it a bit. Two of the dissected parts were on the table next to it, and they looked, well, moldy. Where mold had been scraped off so that the original material was visible the parts that had once looked like cardboard were now gelatinous and splotchy.
Whatever the gadget had done, it was clear that it would never do it again. “I’ve ordered a hold on opening the others,” Makalanos reported. “The bio team has taken samples and they’re working on them in their own lab; I haven’t had Dr. ben Jayya’s report yet. I was about to talk to Dopey about it, but perhaps you’d like to question him yourself?”
She would. She did. The creature gave her a lofty look. “But surely you understand that your primitive technology can’t hope to deal with truly advanced devices.”
“Can you deal with them for us?”
“No, of course not, not me personally.” Dopey looked surprised at the question. “That is what bearers are for.”
“Are you saying that one of your Docs could have taken the recorder apart without damaging it? Could he tell us how? He can’t talk-“
“Yes, he can; and no, of course he does not talk. That is not necessary. He can draw schematics if that is necessary-that is, provided he hasn’t been so starved on the inadequate diet you give us that his faculties have been impaired.”
“I don’t want to hear any more about your diet. We’re doing the best we can,” Hilda said grimly.
“But it is simply not good enough, Brigadier Morrisey. If you will go to Starlab-“
“I don’t want to hear about that, either. I’m asking you about these gadgets.”
Dopey’s fan turned a sulky pale yellow. “And I am telling you that they are beyond your understanding. Why do you treat me this way? I have befriended your people at great risk to myself! I want you to bring one of my companions down here-one of the Dr. Adcocks, or even an Agent Dannerman. They can tell you-“
“You can tell us everything we need to know, Dopey,” she said persuasively. “Now listen to me for a moment.”
“I am listening, Brigadier Morrisey. What choice do I have?”
“No,” she corrected, “you aren’t listening. You’re talking. What I want to say is that we have two sets of programs here. Your program is for us to send a flight to Starlab to get you more food. Our program is also to go to Starlab, because we want to learn from your people’s machines. So we have a lot in common, do you see? But something prevents us from doing that.”
“Yes, Brigadier Morrisey, something does: your bickering among yourselves.”
Time for Change!
Although our delegate to the United Nations has continued his wise policy of restraint, the patience of the People’s Republic of China is not inexhaustible. His call for an emergency meeting of the Security Council must be heeded. This newest provocation of the Americans in reassessing their inflation indices is the direct cause of the recent large losses in the Shanghai Stock Exchange. Their preposterous claim to “custodianship” of the artifacts from space is without justification, and we do not even mention their high-handed actions in regard to the child of our brave astronaut, Cdr. J. P. Lin.