“I begin to understand,” I heard him say.
Three steps and another turn. I halted. There were two of him and two of me. He was not looking at me, though. I reached out slowly toward one of the images. He turned, he saw me. His mouth opened as he stepped back and vanished.
“What did you want to talk about?” I asked, halting.
“It’s hard to know where to begin.”
“That’s life.”
“You upset Dara quite a bit…”
“That was quick. I only left her ten, fifteen minutes ago. You’re staying here at Sawall?”
“Yes. And I knew she was having lunch with you. I just saw her briefly a little while ago.”
“Well, she didn’t make me feel too good either.”
I turned another corner and passed through a doorway in time to see him smile faintly.
“She’s that way sometimes. I know,” he said. “She tells me the Logrus came by for dessert.”
“Yes.”
“She said it seems to have chosen you for the throne.”
I hoped he saw my shrug.
“It seemed that way. I don’t want it, though.”
“But you said you’d do it.”
“Only if there’s no other way to restore a certain balance of forces. It’s a last resort sort of thing. It won’t come to that, I’m sure.”
“But it chose you.”
Another shrug.
“Tmer and Tubble precede me.”
“That doesn’t matter. I’d wanted it, you know.”
“I know. Seems a pretty dumb career choice.”
Suddenly, he surrounded me.
“It does now,” he admitted. “It was getting that way some time, though, before you got designated. I thought I had the edge each time we met, and each time a came a little closer to killing me.”
“It did keep getting messier.”
“That last time-in the church-in Kashfa, I was certain I could finally take you out. Instead, you damn near did me in.”
“Say that Dara or Mandor removed Tmer and Tubble. You knew you’d have to take care of me yourself, but what about Despil?”
“He’d step aside for me.”
“You asked him?”
“No. But I’m sure.”
I moved on.
“You always assumed too much, Jurt.”
“Maybe you’re right,” he said, appearing and vanishing again. “Either way, it doesn’t matter.”
“Why not?”
“I quit. I’m out of the running. The hell with it.”
“How come?”
“Even if the Logrus hadn’t made its intentions clear, I was beginning to feel nervous. It was not just that I was afraid you’d kill me either. I got to thinking about myself, and the succession. What if I made it to the throne? I’m not so sure as I once was that I’m competent to hold it.” I turned again, caught a glimpse of him licking his lips, brows knotted.
“I could mess up the realm severely,” he went on, “unless I had good advice. And you know that, ultimately, it would come from Mandor or Dara. I’d wind up a puppet, wouldn’t I?”
“Probably. But you’ve gotten me very curious. When did you start thinking this way? Might it coincide with your treatment in the Fountain? What if my interruption made yours closer to the correct course there?”
“It’s possible there’s something to that,” he said.
“I’m glad now I didn’t go the full route. I suspect it might have driven me mad, as it did Brand. But it may not have been that at all. Or-I don’t know.”
There was silence as I sidled along a passageway, my puzzled images keeping pace in the mirrors at either hand.
“She didn’t want me to kill you,” he finally blurted from somewhere off to my right.
“Julia?”
“Yes.”
“How is she?”
“Recovering. Pretty rapidly, actually.”
“Is she here at Sawall?”
“Yes.”
“Look, I’d like to see her. But if she doesn’t want to, I understand. I didn’t know it was her when I stabbed Mask, and I’m sorry.”
“She never really wanted to hurt you. Her quarrel was with Jasra. With you, it was an elaborate game. She wanted to prove she was as good as-maybe better than-you. She wanted to show you what you’d thrown away.”
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“Tell me one thing, please,” he said. “Did you love her? Did you ever really love her?”