‘But I had thought of something special for him-I was going to make him bite his nails.’
‘Bite his nails?’ Zeb looked puzzled.
‘Until he reached his elbows. Follow me?’
‘Oh.’ Zeb grinned sourly. ‘Not nearly imaginative enough, boy. But he’s dead, we can’t touch him.’
‘He’s infernally lucky. Zeb, why didn’t you arrange to get him yourself? Or did you, and things were just too hurried to let you do a proper job?’
‘Me? Why, I wasn’t on the rescue raid. I haven’t been back in the Palace at all.’
‘Huh?’
‘You didn’t think I was still on duty, did you?’
‘I haven’t had time to think about it.’
‘Well, naturally I couldn’t go back after I ducked out to avoid arrest; I was through. No, my fine fellow, you and I are both deserters from the United States Army-with every cop and every postmaster in the country anxious to earn a deserter’s reward by turning us in.’
I whistled softly and let the implications of his remark sink in.
6
I had joined the Cabal on impulse. Certainly, under the stress of falling in love with Judith and in the excitement of the events that had come rushing over me as a result of meeting her, I had no time for calm consideration. I had not broken with the Church as a result of philosophical decision.
Of course I had known logically that to join the Cabal was to break with all my past ties, but it had not yet hit me emotionally. What was it going to be like never again to wear the uniform of an officer and a gentleman? I had been proud to walk down the street, to enter a public place, aware that all eyes were on me.
I put it out of my mind. The share was in the furrow, my hand was on the plow; there could be no turning back. I was in this until we won or until we were burned for treason.
I found Zeb looking at me quizzically. ‘Cold feet, Johnnie?’
‘No. But I’m still getting adjusted. Things have moved fast.’
‘I know. Well, we can forget about retired pay, and our class numbers at the Point no longer matter.’ He took off his Academy ring, chucked it in the air, caught it and shoved it into his pocket. ‘But there is work to be done, old lad, and you will find that this is a military outfit, too-a real one. Personally, I’ve had my fill of spit-and-polish and I don’t care if I never again hear that “Sound off” and “Officers, center!” and “Watchman, what of the night?” manure again. The brethren will make full use of our best talents-and the fight really matters.’
Master Peter van Eyck came to see me a couple of days later. He sat on the edge of my bed and folded his hands over his paunch and looked at me. ‘Feeling better, son?’
‘I could get up if the doctor would let me.’
‘Good. We’re shorthanded; the less time a trained officer spends on the sick list the better.’ He paused and chewed his lip. ‘But, son, I don’t know just what to do with you.’
‘Eh? Sir?’
‘Frankly, you should never have been admitted to the Order in the first place-a military command should not mess around with affairs of the heart. It confuses motivations, causes false decisions. Twice, because we took you in, we have had to show our strength in sorties that-from a strictly military standpoint-should never have happened.’
I did not answer, there was no answer-he was right. My face was hot with embarrassment.
‘Don’t blush about it,’ he added kindly. ‘Contrariwise, it is good for the morale of the brethren to strike back occasionally. The point is, what to do with you? You are a stout fellow, you stood up well-but do you really understand the ideals of freedom and human dignity we are fighting for?’
I barely hesitated. ‘Master-I may not be much of a brain, and the Lord knows it’s true that I’ve never thought much about politics. But I know which side I’m on!’
He nodded. ‘That’s enough. We can’t expect each man to be his own Tom Paine.’