‘In exactly one hour,’ said Shuckworth, speaking to the passengers over the loudspeaker, ‘we shall link up with Space Hotel “U.S.A.”, your happy home for the next ten years. And any moment now, if you look straight ahead, you should catch your first glimpse of this magnificent space-ship. Ah-ha! I see something there! That must be it, folks! There’s definitely something up there ahead of us!’
Shuckworth, Shanks and Showler, as well as the managers, assistant managers, desk-clerks, waitresses, bell-boys, chambermaids, pastry chefs and hall porters, all stared excitedly through the windows. Shuckworth fired a couple of small rockets to make the capsule go faster, and they began to catch up very quickly.
‘Hey!’ yelled Showler. ‘That isn’t our space hotel!’
‘Holy rats!’ cried Shanks. ‘What in the name of Nebuchadnezzar is it!’
‘Quick! Give me the telescope!’ yelled Shuckworth. With one hand he focused the telescope and with the other he flipped the switch connecting him to Ground Control.
‘Hello, Houston!’ he cried into the mike. ‘There’s something crazy going on up here! There’s a thing orbiting ahead of us and it’s not like any space-ship I’ve ever seen, that’s for sure!’
‘Describe it at once,’ ordered Ground Control in Houston.
‘It’s . . . it’s all made of glass and it’s kind of square and it’s got lots of people inside it! They’re all floating about like fish in a tank!’
‘How many astronauts on board?’
‘None,’ said Shuckworth. ‘They can’t possibly be astronauts.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘Because at least three of them are in nightshirts!’
‘Don’t be a fool, Shuckworth!’ snapped Ground Control. ‘Pull yourself together, man! This is serious!’
‘I swear it!’ cried poor Shuckworth. ‘There’s three of them in nightshirts! Two old women and one old man! I can see them clearly! I can even see their faces! Jeepers, they’re older than Moses! They’re about ninety years old!’
‘You’ve gone mad, Shuckworth!’ shouted Ground Control. ‘You’re fired! Give me Shanks!’
‘Shanks speaking,’ said Shanks. ‘Now listen here, Houston. There’s these three old birds in nightshirts floating around in this crazy glass box and there’s a funny little guy with a pointed beard wearing a black top-hat and a plum-coloured velvet tail-coat and bottle-green trousers . . .’
‘Stop!’ screamed Ground Control.
‘That’s not all,’ said Shanks. ‘There’s also a little boy about ten years old . . .’
‘That’s no boy, you idiot!’ shouted Ground Control. ‘That’s an astronaut in disguise! It’s a midget astronaut dressed up as a little boy! Those old people are astronauts too! They’re all in disguise!’
‘But who are they?’ cried Shanks.
‘How the heck would I know?’ said Ground Control. ‘Are they heading for our Space Hotel?’
‘That’s exactly where they are heading!’ cried Shanks. ‘I can see the Space Hotel now about a mile ahead.’
‘They’re going to blow it up!’ yelled Ground Control. ‘This is desperate! This is . . .’ Suddenly his voice was cut off and Shanks heard another quite different voice in his earphones. It was deep and rasping.
‘I’ll take charge of this,’ said the deep rasping voice. ‘Are you there, Shanks?’
‘Of course I’m here,’ said Shanks. ‘But how dare you butt in. Keep your big nose out of this. Who are you anyway?’
‘This is the President of the United States,’ said the voice.
‘And this is the Wizard of Oz,’ said Shanks. ‘Who are you kidding?’
‘Cut the piffle, Shanks,’ snapped the President. ‘This is a national emergency!’
‘Good grief!’ said Shanks, turning to Shuckworth and Showler. ‘It really is the President. It’s President Gilligrass himself . . . Well, hello there, Mr President, sir. How are you today?’
‘How many people are there in that glass capsule?’ rasped the President.
‘Eight,’ said Shanks. ‘All floating.’
‘Floating?
‘We’re outside the pull of gravity up here, Mr President. Everything floats. We’d be floating ourselves if we weren’t strapped down. Didn’t you know that?’
‘Of course I knew it,’ said the President. ‘What else can you tell me about that glass capsule?’
‘There’s a bed in it,’ said Shanks. ‘A big double bed and that’s floating too.’
‘A bed!’ barked the President. ‘Whoever heard of a bed in a spacecraft!’
‘I swear it’s a bed,’ said Shanks.