“You wish to kill me, then?”
It was like being doused with cold water. “You are the source of the poisons Wallace gives to the King?” I was sure I had misunderstood.
He nodded slowly. “Some of them. Probably the ones you most object to.”
My heart was cold and still inside me. “But, Chade, why?”
He looked at me, his lips folded tight. After a moment he opened his mouth and spoke softly. “A King’s secrets belong to a King only. They are not mine to give away, no matter if I think the receiver would keep them safe or not. But if you would only use your mind as I have trained you, you would know my secrets. For I have not hidden them from you. And from my secret, you could deduce much on your own.”
I turned to poke at the fire behind me. “Chade. I am so weary. Too weary to play at games. Cannot you simply tell me?”
“Of course I could. But it would compromise my promise to my king. What I do is bad enough.”
“You are splitting hairs over this!” I exclaimed angrily.
“Perhaps, but they are mine to split,” he replied with equanimity.
His very calmness infuriated me. I shook my head violently, put the whole puzzle away from myself for a bit. “Why did you summon me tonight?” I asked flatly.
There was a shadow of hurt behind the calm in his eyes now. “Perhaps just to see you. Perhaps to forestall your doing something foolish and permanent. I know that much of what is going on right now distresses you greatly. I assure you, I share your fears. But for now, we must continue on our allotted paths. With faith. Surely you believe that Verity will return before spring, and put all to rights.”