Robert Asprin – Tambu

“Now that I have your undivided attention, allow me to remind you of our situation. Each of you is a captain of a ship under my command. You are here to represent your ship’s interests in discussions of the fleet’s policies and procedures, as well as to exchange ideas with your peers.”

He paused for a moment, then continued, allowing his voice to harden noticeably.

“As such, you are expected to conduct yourselves as mature, responsible adults, not as bickering children. Our agenda will require at least four days to cover, but it will take four months if you cannot contain yourselves. Now, if you will resume your seats, I would like to continue with the subject at hand.”

The group began to obediently sort themselves out and shuffle toward their seats. One captain, however, remained in place. She was short, middle-aged, and grossly overweight, but her ferocious expression gave her additional stature as she waved her hand in the air, demanding recognition.

“Yes, Momma?” Tambu asked, acknowledging the woman’s hand.

“I think what you said points out our need to limit the size of the fleet,” she declared without preamble. “We’re getting too big to function effectively, even in a meeting like this.”

“Am I to understand that you feel being too big has hampered your effectiveness?” Tambu quipped, deliberately misunderstanding in an effort to lighten the mood.

The group chuckled appreciatively, but Momma was not to be sidetracked.

“Not me, the fleet,” she insisted.

“Plans for expansion are on the agenda for tomorrow,” Tambu pointed out. “I would appreciate it if you would hold your comments and opinions until that time.”

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