Nest chewed her lip. “Yes.”
“Good. This is important.” Gran’s face was scrunched up like a wadded paper sack. “When you are grown, you can decide for yourself when you want to use your magic. You can weigh the risks and the rewards. But you are not to use it while you are a child living in this house. Except,” she paused, reminded of something, “if you are threatened, and your life is in danger, and you have no choice.” She looked away suddenly, as if fleeing things she would rather not consider. “Then, you can use the magic. But only then.”
Nest thought it over for a moment. “How am I supposed to be sure I’ve really got magic if I don’t try it out?”
Her grandmother’s gaze fixed on her anew. “You seemed sure enough about it when you were fighting with Lori Adami. Are you telling me that maybe you made it up?”
“No.” Nest was immediately defensive. “I just don’t know for sure. It all happened so/ast.”
Her grandmother took a long drink from her glass and lit a cigarette. “You know. Now you do as I say.”
So Nest had, although it was very hard. Eventually, she broke her promise, but not for several months, when she used her magic on a boy who was trying to pull down her swimsuit at the pool. Then she used it again on a kid who was throwing rocks at a stray cat. She knew for sure then that the magic was real, and that she could use it on anyone she wished. But the odd thing was, using it didn’t make her feel very good. It should have provided her with some measure of satisfaction, but all it did was make her feel sick inside, as if she had done something for which she should feel ashamed.
It was Pick who had straightened her out, telling her that what her grandmother meant was that she wasn’t to use her magic against other people. Using it against other people would always make her feel bad, because it was like taking advantage of someone who couldn’t fight back. Besides, it would attract a lot of unwanted attention. But the feeders were fair game. Why not use it against them?
Pick’s idea had worked. Using her magic against the feeders satisfied her curiosity and gave her an opportunity to experiment. Eventually she told Gran. Gran, saying little in response, had approved. Then Pick had enlisted her aid in dealing with the nighttime activities of the feeders, and summoning the magic had suddenly become serious business. After that, she had been very careful not to use it again on people.
Until now, she thought wearily as she walked home through the park. She had split up with the others as soon as they were in the trees and out of sight of the ball field. See you tomorrow, she had told them, as if nothing had happened, as if everything were all right. See you tomorrow, they’d replied. Hardly a word had been spoken about the incident, but she knew they were all thinking about it, remembering anew some of the stories about her.
Only Robert had ventured a parting comment. “Jeez, it didn’t even look like you touched him!” he’d said in his typically direct, unthinking, Robert way. She was so distressed she didn’t even try to respond.
As she reached the edge of the service road, she thought suddenly she might vomit. Her stomach churned and her head ached. The inside of her mouth tasted coppery, and her breathing was quick and uneven. Using the magic on Danny Abbott had been a mistake, even though it had probably saved Robert a beating. She had promised Gran she wouldn’t use it again. More important, she had promised herself. But something had happened to her this afternoon. She had been so angry she had forgotten her resolve. She had simply lost control of herself.
She angled through the trees and houses that paralleled the park, closing in now on her home, buoyed by the sight of its familiar white siding and its big stone chimney, her refuge from the world. She knew what troubled her most about what had happened. It was what Danny had said. Your friends are weird. What are you doing with them? But, really, she was the one who was weird, and using the magic as she had just pointed it up. Having magic made her different from everyone-but that was just part of it. How much stranger could you be than to know that you were the only one who could see feeders, the only one, with some sort of monster dog for a protector, and the only one with a sylvan for a friend?