to notice the bruises on her uncovered wrists. He laid the pistol down
on the counter before he could impulsively use it to blow his brains
out.
“Faith?”
She didn’t turn around, just kept scrambling the eggs around in the
pan.
“If you want me to leave, I’ll leave,” said Lee.
While she seemed to consider this, he decided to say what he had been
thinking during his run. “What happened last night, what I did to you
last night, there’s no excuse for. I’ve never, ever done anything like
that in my life. That’s not who I am. I can’t blame you if you don’t
believe that. But it’s the truth.”
She suddenly turned to him, her eyes glistening. “Well, I can’t say I
hadn’t imagined something happening between us, even in the nightmare
were in. I just didn’t think it would be like that.. ..” Her voice
broke off and she just as quickly turned away from him.
He looked down and nodded slightly, her words doubly devastating to
him. “You see, I’m in a bit of a dilemma here. My gut and my
conscience tell me to get out of your life so you won’t have to be
reminded of what happened last night every time you see me. But I
don’t want to leave you alone with all this. Not when someone’s out to
kill you.”
She turned the burner off and set out two plates, shoveled the eggs on
them, buttered two pieces of toast and put everything on the table. Lee
didn’t move. He just watched her, moving slowly, her cheeks wet from
her tears. The bruises on her wrists were like permanent shackles
around his soul.
He sat down across from her and picked at his eggs.
“I could have stopped you last night,” she said bluntly. The tears
slid down her cheeks and she made no attempt to wipe them away.
Lee felt his own eyes begin to burn with the beginnings of tears. “I
wish to God you had.”
“You were drunk. I’m not saying that’s an excuse for what you did, but
I also know you wouldn’t have done it if you had been sober. And you
also didn’t go all the way. I choose to believe you would never sink
so low as that. In fact, if I weren’t absolutely sure of that, I
would’ve shot you with your gun when you passed out.” She paused,
seemed to be searching for the right combination of words. “But maybe
what I’ve done to you is much more awful than what you could have done
to me last night.” She pushed her plate away and looked out the window
at what was shaping up to be a beautiful day.
When she next spoke, it was in a wistful, faraway tone that was
curiously both hopeful and tragic. “When I was a little girl, I had my
whole life planned out. I was going to be a nurse. And then a doctor.
And I was going to get married and have ten kids. Dr. Faith Lockhart
was going to save lives during the day and then come home to a
wonderful man who loved her and be the perfect mother to her perfect
children. After moving around all those years with my father, I just
wanted one home. I’d live there the rest of my life. My children
would always, always know where to find me. It seemed so simple, so ..
. achievable, when I was only eight years old.” She finally used her
paper napkin to dab at her eyes, seeming only then to feel the wetness
on her face.
She looked back at Lee. “But I have this life instead.” Her gaze
roamed the lovely room. “I actually had a pretty good run. Made a lot
of money. What do I have to complain about? That’s the American
Dream, isn’t it? Money? Power? Owning beautiful things? I even
ended up doing a little good, even if I did it illegally. But then I
went and ruined everything. The best of intentions, but I struck out
in the end. Just like my father. You’re right, the nut didn’t fall
far from the tree.” She paused again, played with her silverware,