“I was asleep. Do you remember every moment when you’re asleep, Johanna?” He raised his hands, crooked his fingers, stared at them as if they belonged to someone else. “Don’t try to make it easy for me. I’m not a child. If a man died, it might very well have been by these hands.” He pressed his temples. “You said that I created Fenris. I am responsible.”
“No.” She was losing mastery of this conversation, and she must get it back. “Quentin—I am convinced that we can reach Fenris. He is the hidden part of yourself. Somehow, you and I must find a way to communicate with him. Bring him into the light, and confront him.”
“And until then?” He slammed his fist into the wall. “I can’t stop what I feel. I can’t even sense his existence. How can I prevent him from taking over and… attacking someone again? How many times have I hurt people in the past, and not known it?”
The tears built painfully behind her eyelids. “We will find a way. But now you must listen to me. Regardless of what actually happened, certain witnesses are claiming to have seen you in the vicinity of Ketchum’s body. That was enough to rouse the town.”
“You mean a mob.” His gaze grew keen and alert. “A mob is coming to the Haven to get me.”
“That is why we must take immediate precautions, for you and—”
“You knew about Fenris last night, and you still came to me. Why, Johanna?” His eyes glittered with unshed tears. “Why would you give yourself to a monster?”
“Because I—I…” How would it help, to tell him she loved him? Another burden for him to carry, another load of guilt and self-loathing, because in his own mind he didn’t deserve to be loved.
“You were afraid of Fenris,” he said with devastating insight. “Coming to me was a way to challenge your fear.” He smiled, without bitterness or mockery. “I hope it helped you. I’d like to believe it did. I’d like to think we shared something other than sorrow, before I go.”
“Quentin.”
“Don’t deceive yourself. I must give myself to these people, to the law, before they come and destroy what little peace I’ve left you.”
“That is out of the question. They may—”
“Hang me? I have heard that such things happen in this country. With justification, in my case.”
“You have an illness. You are not a criminal.”
“How can you be sure, Johanna? And what do you propose to do to keep me ‘safe’? Bind me in chains so that Fenris can’t escape again? Lock me in a padded room and push my food through the bars? Oh, no.” He shuddered violently. “I’ll take the rope, and gladly. It will end this farce I’ve made of my life.”
“I will not lock you away.” Tears ran down her face. She couldn’t stop them. “You must go into hiding until things settle down. And it’s not only you who is in danger. Because of what’s happened, Bolkonsky has threatened to come for May this very day.”
Quentin’s body twitched, as if he’d experienced a sudden shock. “May. You have a plan to save her.”
“I will not give her up to her father. Oscar has been looking for her, but I must have her ready to leave within the hour. You must go as well.”
“I’ll find her.”
She swung on him. “Go. Do not make things more difficult—”
“Johanna.” He spoke so gently, as if in the midst of sweet loving. “No one is better suited to bringing her back than I am.” He smiled with tender sadness. “I have something to show you, something I should have shared long ago.”
As she watched, uncomprehending, he began to remove his clothing. She couldn’t avert her eyes. In her office, in full daylight, he was a thousand times more beautiful than he’d been in his dark bedchamber.
Her body woke despite the urgency of the situation, responding to the potent promise of his masculinity. Lewis was right, she thought dazedly. Naked in the woods …
The last of his clothing fell to the floor, and the outlines of his form seemed to shift and shimmer. Mist, the very color of his eyes, appeared from nowhere to gather about him like a magic cloak. It swallowed him up entirely.