I said, “Bro, what is it? Did you order a pizza? ”
“No, but the town’s crawling with anchovies.”
“Anchovies? ”
“Fishy types. Like the zombie club we saw last night, coming back from
Wyvern to Lilly’s house. The dead-eyed dudes in the sedan. I’ve seen
more of them. I get the feeling something’s coming down, something
super-humongous.”
“Bigger than the end of the world? ” I asked.
He gave me an odd look, then grinned. “You’re right. Can’t go down from
here. Where do we have to go but up? ”
“Sideways, ” Sasha said somberly. “From one kind of hell into another.”
To me, Bobby said, “I see why you love her.” I said, “My own private
sunshine.”
“Sugar in shoes, ” he said.
I said, “One hundred twenty pounds of walking honey.”
“One hundred twelve, ” she said. “And forget what I said about you two
being Curly and Larry. That’s an insult to Larry.”
“Curly and Curly? ” Bobby said.
“She thinks she’s Moe, ” I said.
Sasha said, “I think I’m going to bed. Unless, Bobby, you have more bad
news that’ll keep me from sleeping.” He shook his head. “That’s the best
I can do.” Bobby left.
After locking the front door, I watched through the stained-glass window
until he got into his Jeep and drove away.
Parting from a friend makes me nervous.
Maybe I’m needy, neurotic, paranoid. Under the circumstances, of course,
if I weren’t needy, neurotic, and paranoid, I’d obviously be psychotic.
If we were always conscious of the fact that people precious to us are
frighteningly mortal, hanging not even by a thread but by a wisp of
gossamer, perhaps we would be kinder to them and more grateful for the
love and friendship they give us.
Sasha and I went upstairs to bed. Lying side by side in the dark,
holding hands, we were silent for a while.
We were scared. Scared for Orson, for Jimmy, for the Stuarts, for
ourselves. We felt small. We felt helpless. So, of course, for a few
minutes we rated our favorite Italian sauces. Pesto with pine nuts
almost won, but we mutually agreed on Marsala before falling into a
contented silence.
Just when I thought she had drifted into sleep, Sasha said, “You hardly
know me, Snowman.”
“I know your heart, what’s in it. That’s everything.”
“I’ve never talked about my family, my past, who I was and what I did
before I came to KBAY.”
“Are you going to talk about that now? ”
“No.”
“Good. I’m wiped out.”
“Neanderthal.”
“You Cro-Magnons all think you’re so superior.” After a silence, she
said, “Maybe I’ll never talk about the past.”
“You mean, even like about yesterday? ”
“You really don’t feel a need to know, do you? ” I said, “I love the
person you are. I’m sure I’d also love the person you were. But it’s who
you are that I have now.”
“You never prejudge anyone.”
“I’m a saint.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I. I’m a saint.”
“Asshole.”
“Better not talk that way about a saint.”
“You’re the only person I’ve ever known who always judges people solely
on their actions. And forgives them when they screw up.”
“Well, me and Jesus.”
“Neanderthal.”
“Careful now, ” I warned. “Better not risk divine punishment.
Lightning bolts. Boils. Plagues of locust. Rains of frogs.
Hemorrhoids.”
“I’m embarrassing you, aren’t I? ” she asked.
“Yes, Moe, you are.”
“All I’m saying is, this is your difference, Chris. This is the
difference that makes you special. Not XP.” I was silent.
She said, “You’re desperately searching for some smart remark that’ll
get me to call you an asshole again.”
“Or at least a Neanderthal.”
“This is your difference. Sleep tight.”
She let go of my hand and rolled onto her side.
“Love you, Good all.”
“Love you, Snowman.” In spite of the blackout blinds and the overlapping
drapes, faint traces of light defined the edges of the windows. Even
this morning’s overcast heavens had been beautiful. I yearned to go
outside, stand under the daytime sky, and look for faces, forms, and
animals in the clouds. I yearned to be free.
I said, “Good all? “