On the morrow, the journey would begin: but before this there were still matters to be addressed.
DEAN HAD BEEN keeping his head down and getting on with the work allotted to him, yet he had obviously been preoccupied. Ryan had tried to talk to him, but the youngster had been reticent to speak to his father. Doc had also tried. He had always been able to converse with the youth; even he could get little more from him than a vague admission that something had been troubling him.
Krysty had been able to tell for some while that there was a matter weighing heavily on Dean’s mind. Yet she could also tell that he wasn’t yet ready to talk about it. Until now, that is…
Dean was sitting at the back of the adobe dwelling they had called home for the past few weeks, staring out into the night. He had crept away from the celebrations in the center of the ville and was staring up at the sky, so preoccupied that he didn’t hear Krysty approach. He started when she spoke.
“You want to watch that. It could be dangerous,” she commented, seating herself beside him.
“Sorry…1 guess I was thinking,” he replied.
Krysty sucked in her breath. “Oh, that’s dangerous, too much thinking. Especially when it cuts you off from everyone. Mebbe it’s best then to share the thoughts, make them seem less heavy?”
“I don’t know,” Dean said nervously, scraping the ground with his boot. “It sounds kind of stupe to me, so mebbe you’ll think I’ve gone as crazy as Doc if I tell you.”
Krysty laughed. “I’m not sure if that’s even possible, but tell me anyway. It won’t go any further and it may just help.”
“Okay. Here goes…” With which he began to tell her about the dreams he’d had since the mat-trans jump. “They seem— Hot pipe, it seems like sometimes the dreams are real and this is the dream. And that feels really weird. And that’s not all…”
Krysty watched closely. Dean was on the verge of saying something important but was having trouble framing the right words. Finally they came, and they were profoundly shocking.
“Sometimes it feels to me like Rona’s still alive and that I have to find her. That it’s some kind of message. And being here is a part of that, ’cause I’ve seen what it’s like to have family and to belong.”
“And you don’t feel that we’re your family and that you belong with us?”
“No, yes, I mean—” Dean stuttered. Pausing to take a deep breath, he began again. “You, Dad, Doc, Jak— all of you are family. But it’s different with Rona. I was with her from when I was small. I didn’t even know my dad until after I was taken from the Brody school. That time before I was only just getting to know him… all of you. But I don’t belong, any more than any of us belong. Not like Mildred does with these people.”
“But, sweetheart, Mildred’s chosen to go with us and to stay with us, once we reach the mainland. She’s decided that she belongs more with us, despite any racial or cultural heritage.”
Dean, who had been watching closely, had a notion that Mildred’s decision was based on something a little more personal than Krysty would have him believe, but said nothing of this. Instead he said, “Yeah, but she’s had a chance to make that choice. Until I find out what happened to Rona, then I’ll never know.”
Krysty chewed her lip. “I thought Sharona had rad sickness—cancer—and was buying the farm. That was why she entrusted you—”
“I know, I know,” Dean interrupted. “But I’ve just got this feeling that she’s still alive. A feeling that I can’t explain. But I know I’ve got to do something about it.” Krysty frowned. “Okay. When you’ve got to do something like this, then you’ve just got to…but wait until we get over the water and promise me you’ll talk about it with your father.”
Dean nodded. “Yeah. I know I’ve got to talk to him about it. And I promise I’ll do it then.”
MILDRED WAS ALSO FACING a testing time in talk. During the evening’s activity, Markos had approached her to ask if they could talk. She had arranged to meet him later at Sineta’s quarters and was waiting with some apprehension when he arrived.