of the United States.
He said, “Well, sir, what can I do for you?”
I said, “Sire, on or about the l0th day of October, 1861, John Wilson
Mackenzie, of Rotterdam, Chemung County, New Jersey, deceased, contracted
with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the sum total
of thirty barrels of beef–”
He stopped me there, and dismissed me from hi presence–kindly, but
firmly. The next day called on the Secretary of State.
He said, “Well, sir?”
I said, “Your Royal Highness: on or about the 10th day of October, 1861,
John Wilson Mackenzie of Rotterdam, Chemung County, New Jersey, deceased,
contracted with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the
sum total of thirty barrels of beef–”
“That will do, sir–that will do; this office has nothing to do with
contracts for beef.”
I was bowed out. I thought the matter all over and finally, the
following day, I visited the Secretary of the Navy, who said, “Speak
quickly, sir; do not keep me waiting.”
I said, “Your Royal Highness, on or about the 10th day of October, 1861,
John Wilson Mackenzie of Rotterdam, Chemung County, New Jersey, deceased,
contracted with the General Government to General Sherman the sum total
of thirty barrels of beef–”
Well, it was as far as I could get. He had nothing to do with beef
contracts for General Sherman either. I began to think it was a curious
kind of government. It looked somewhat as if they wanted to get out of
paying for that beef. The following day I went to the Secretary of the
Interior.
I said, “Your Imperial Highness, on or about the 10th day of October–”
“That is sufficient, sir. I have heard of you before. Go, take your
infamous beef contract out of this establishment. The Interior
Department has nothing whatever to do with subsistence for the army.”
I went away. But I was exasperated now. I said I would haunt them;
I would infest every department of this iniquitous government till that
contract business was settled. I would collect that bill, or fall, as
fell my predecessors, trying. I assailed the Postmaster-General;
I besieged the Agricultural Department; I waylaid the Speaker of the
House of Representatives. They had nothing to do with army contracts for
beef. I moved upon the Commissioner of the Patent Office.
I said, “Your August Excellency, on or about–”
“Perdition! have you got here with your incendiary beef contract, at
last? We have nothing to do with beef contracts for the army, my dear
sir.”
“Oh, that is all very well–but somebody has got to pay for that beef.
It has got to be paid now, too, or I’ll confiscate this old Patent Office
and everything in it.”
“But, my dear sir–”
“It don’t make any difference, sir. The Patent Office is liable for that
beef, I reckon; and, liable or not liable, the Patent Office has got to
pay for it.”
Never mind the details. It ended in a fight. The Patent Office won.
But I found out something to my advantage. I was told that the Treasury
Department was the proper place for me to go to. I went there. I waited
two hours and a half, and then I was admitted to the First Lord of the
Treasury.
I said, “Most noble, grave, and reverend Signor, on or about the 10th day
of October, 1861, John Wilson Macken–”
“That is sufficient, sir. I have heard of you. Go to the First Auditor
of the Treasury.”
I did so. He sent me to the Second Auditor. The Second Auditor sent me
to the Third, and the Third sent me to the First Comptroller of the Corn-
Beef Division. This began to look like business. He examined his books
and all his loose papers, but found no minute of the beef contract. I
went to the Second Comptroller of the Corn-Beef Division. He examined
his books and his loose papers, but with no success. I was encouraged.
During that week I got as far as the Sixth Comptroller in that division;
the next week I got through the Claims Department; the third week I began
and completed the Mislaid Contracts Department, and got a foothold in the