Sketches New and Old by Mark Twain

whittling, and the witnesses the same, and so was the prisoner. Well,

the fact is, there warn’t any interest in a murder trial then, because

the fellow was always brought in ‘not guilty,’ the jury expecting him to

do as much for them some time; and, although the evidence was straight

and square against this Spaniard, we knew we could not convict him

without seeming to be rather high-handed and sort of reflecting on every

gentleman in the community; for there warn’t any carriages and liveries

then, and so the only ‘style’ there was, was to keep your private

graveyard. But that woman seemed to have her heart set on hanging that

Spaniard; and you’d ought to have seen how she would glare on him a

minute, and then look up at me in her pleading way, and then turn and for

the next five minutes search the jury’s faces, and by and by drop her

face in her hands for just a little while as if she was most ready to

give up; but out she’d come again directly, and be as live and anxious as

ever. But when the jury announced the verdict–Not Guilty–and I told

the prisoner he was acquitted and free to go, that woman rose up till she

appeared to be as tall and grand as a seventy-four-gun ship, and says

she:

“‘Judge, do I understand you to say that this man is not guilty that

murdered my husband without any cause before my own eyes and my little

children’s, and that all has been done to him that ever justice and the

law can do?’

“‘The same,’ says I.

“And then what do you reckon she did? Why, she turned on that smirking

Spanish fool like a wildcat, and out with a ‘navy’ and shot him dead in

open court!”

“That was spirited, I am willing to admit.”

“Wasn’t it, though?” said the judge admiringly.

“I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. I adjourned court right on the

spot, and we put on our coats and went out and took up a collection for

her and her cubs, and sent them over the mountains to their friends.

Ah, she was a spirited wench!”

INFORMATION WANTED

“WASHINGTON, December 10, 1867.

“Could you give me any information respecting such islands, if any, as

the government is going to purchase?”

It is an uncle of mine that wants to know. He is an industrious man and

well disposed, and wants to make a living in an honest, humble way, but

more especially he wants to be quiet. He wishes to settle down, and be

quiet and unostentatious. He has been to the new island St. Thomas, but

he says he thinks things are unsettled there. He went there early with

an attache of the State Department, who was sent down with money to pay

for the island. My uncle had his money in the same box, and so when they

went ashore, getting a receipt, the sailors broke open the box and took

all the money, not making any distinction between government money, which

was legitimate money to be stolen, and my uncle’s, which was his own

private property, and should have been respected. But he came home and

got some more and went back. And then he took the fever. There are

seven kinds of fever down there, you know; and, as his blood was out of

order by reason of loss of sleep and general wear and tear of mind, he

failed to cure the first fever, and then somehow he got the other six.

He is not a kind of man that enjoys fevers, though he is well meaning and

always does what he thinks is right, and so he was a good deal annoyed

when it appeared he was going to die.

But he worried through, and got well and started a farm. He fenced it

in, and the next day that great storm came on and washed the most of it

over to Gibraltar, or around there somewhere. He only said, in his

patient way, that it was gone, and he wouldn’t bother about trying to

find out where it went to, though it was his opinion it went to

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