Sketches New and Old by Mark Twain

headship of the geographers of his generation, said:

“‘My friends, we have indeed made a discovery here. We have found in a

palpable, compact, and imperishable state what the wisest of our fathers

always regarded as a mere thing of the imagination. Humble yourselves,

my friends, for we stand in a majestic presence. These are parallels of

latitude!”

Every heart and every head was bowed, so awful, so sublime was the

magnitude of the discovery. Many shed tears.

The camp was pitched and the rest of the day given up to writing

voluminous accounts of the marvel, and correcting astronomical tables to

fit it. Toward midnight a demoniacal shriek was heard, then a clattering

and rumbling noise, and the next instant a vast terrific eye shot by,

with a long tail attached, and disappeared in the gloom, still uttering

triumphant shrieks.

The poor damp laborers were stricken to the heart with fright, and

stampeded for the high grass in a body. But not the scientists. They

had no superstitions. They calmly proceeded to exchange theories.

The ancient geographer’s opinion was asked. He went into his shell and

deliberated long and profoundly. When he came out at last, they all knew

by his worshiping countenance that he brought light. Said he:

“Give thanks for this stupendous thing which we have been permitted to

witness. It is the Vernal Equinox!”

There were shoutings and great rejoicings.

“But,” said the Angle-Worm, uncoiling after reflection, “this is dead

summer-time.”

“Very well,” said the Turtle, “we are far from our region; the season

differs with the difference of time between the two points.”

“Ah, true: True enough. But it is night. How should the sun pass in

the night?”

“In these distant regions he doubtless passes always in the night at this

hour.”

“Yes, doubtless that is true. But it being night, how is it that we

could see him?”

“It is a great mystery. I grant that. But I am persuaded that the

humidity of the atmosphere in these remote regions is such that particles

of daylight adhere to the disk and it was by aid of these that we were

enabled to see the sun in the dark.”

This was deemed satisfactory, and due entry was made of the decision.

But about this moment those dreadful shriekings were heard again; again

the rumbling and thundering came speeding up out of the night; and once

more a flaming great eye flashed by and lost itself in gloom and

distance.

The camp laborers gave themselves up for lost. The savants were sorely

perplexed. Here was a marvel hard to account for. They thought and they

talked, they talked and they thought. Finally the learned and aged Lord

Grand-Daddy-Longlegs, who had been sitting in deep study, with his

slender limbs crossed and his stemmy arms folded, said:

“Deliver your opinions, brethren, and then I will tell my thought–for I

think I have solved this problem.”

“So be it, good your lordship,” piped the weak treble of the wrinkled and

withered Professor Woodlouse, “for we shall hear from your lordship’s

lips naught but wisdom.” [Here the speaker threw in a mess of trite,

threadbare, exasperating quotations from the ancient poets and

philosophers, delivering them with unction in the sounding grandeurs of

the original tongues, they being from the Mastodon, the Dodo, and other

dead languages.] “Perhaps I ought not to presume to meddle with matters

pertaining to astronomy at all, in such a presence as this, I who have

made it the business of my life to delve only among the riches of the

extinct languages and unearth the opulence of their ancient lore; but

still, as unacquainted as I am with the noble science of astronomy, I beg

with deference and humility to suggest that inasmuch as the last of these

wonderful apparitions proceeded in exactly the opposite direction from

that pursued by the first, which you decide to be the Vernal Equinox,

and greatly resembled it in all particulars, is it not possible, nay

certain, that this last is the Autumnal Equi–”

” O-o-o!” “O-o-o! go to bed! go to bed!” with annoyed derision from

everybody. So the poor old Woodlouse retreated out of sight, consumed

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