Some Buried Caesar by Rex Stout

He turned his head and bawled, “Bert!” Back to Wolfe:

“Well, she knows as much about it as anyone. She worked in

my office three years. Somehow she got started playing golf,

and she got good at it, and I figured it would be good

publicity to have a golf champion for a niece, and she made it.

That’s better than anything she could do in the office. And

better than anything her brother could do. My only nephew,

and no good for anything at all. Are you. Jimmy?”

The young man grinned at him. “Not worth a damn.”

“Yes, but you don’t mean it, and I do. Just/because your

father and mother died when you were young … why

I keep spending money on you is beyond me. It’s about

my only weakness. And when I think that my will leaves

everything to you and your sister only because there’s no

one else in sight… it makes me hope I will never die. What

do you call it? Immortality. When I think what you would

do with a million dollars … let me ask you, Mr. Wolfe,

what is your opinion of architecture?”

“Well … I like this house.”

Jimmy cackled, “Ha! Wowie!”

His uncle disregarded him and cocked an eye at Wolfe.

“You do actually? My nephew there designed it. It was only

finished last year. I came originally from this part of the

country … was born on this spot in an old shack. There is

absolutely no money in architecture and never will be …

I’ve looked into it. Where a nephew of mine ever got the

idea …”

He went on and on, and Wolfe placidly opened another

bottle of beer. I myself wasn’t doing so bad, because it was by

no means pratteria Scotch in my highball, and I had nearly

finished my second one, and was so seated that I could take

in the blonde on the canvas swing, with all her convolutions

and what not. I quit listening to Pratt entirely, and got to

wondering idly which was the more desirable quality in a

girl, the ability to look as inviting as that stretched out on

canvas, or the ability to save a man from a bull, and went

on from that to something else, no matter what, when all

of a sudden the pleasant sociable gathering was rudely in-

terrupted. Four men came swinging around the corner of the

house and tramped across the terrace. With a dim memory of

our host’s remark about being hounded around the fair

grounds, and a dim idea that the look on their faces meant

trouble, my hand was inside my coat touching my holster

before I knew it, then I came to and pretended I needed

to scratch my shoulder.

Pratt had jumped up and was using all his narrow forehead

for a ferocious scowl, facing the intruders. The foremost,

a wiry little item with a thin nose and sharp dark eyes,

stopped right in front of him and told his face, “Well, Mr.

Pratt, I think I’ve got it worked out to satisfy you.”

“I’m already satisfied. I told you.”

“But we’re not.” The keen eyes darted around. “If you’d

let me explain the arrangement I’ve been able—”

“It’s a waste of time, Mr. Bennett. I’ve told you—”

“Permit me.” The tone was brusque, and came from a

solid-looking bird in a gray sport suit that was a dream, with

the fitting accessories, including driving gloves’ on a warm

day. “You’re Pratt? Lew Bennett here has talked me into this,

and I have to get back to Crowfield and out again for New

York. I’m Cullen.”

Bennett said nervously, “Daniel Cullen.”

“Oh.” Pratt looked interested and a little awed. “This is

an honor, Mr. Cullen. My little place here. Sit down. Have

a highball? Jimmy, push up some more chairs. No, you folks

stay. Here, Mr. Cullen, meet my niece …” He did introductions

all around, including titles and occupations. It appeared

that Lew Bennett was the secretary of the National Guernsey

League. The name of the big-boned guy with scraggly hair

and a big tired face was Monte McMillan. Daniel Cullen,

of course, was Daniel Cullen, just as J. P. Morgan is J. P.

Morgan. The fourth one, who looked even tireder than Monte

McMillan, was Sidney Darth, chairman of the North Atlantic

Exposition Board. Bert was called and sent for drinks.

Lily Rowan sat up to make room on the swing, and I noticed

that Jimmy Pratt copped the place next to her. She looked

around at the newcomers as if she was bored.

Lew Bennett was saying, “Mr. Cullen’s in a hurry to get

back, and I’m confident, Mr. Pratt, you’ll appreciate what

he’s doing as well as we do. You won’t lose a cent. It will

be a happy outcome—”

“I want to say it’s a damned outrage!” It was Cullen,

glowering at Pratt. “It ought to be actionable! Where the

devil!”

“Excuse me,” Bennett put in hastily. “I’ve been all over

that aspect of it, Mr. Cullen, and if Mr. Pratt doesn’t see it

our way … he just doesn’t. It’s quite useless … what

I mean to say is, thank God you’ve come to the rescue.”

He turned to Pratt. “The arrangement is simply this, that

Mr. Cullen has generously agreed to take Hickory Caesar

Grindon.”

Pratt grunted, then was silent. After a moment he asked

sullenly, “What does he want with him?”

Bennett looked shocked. “He has one of the finest purebred

Guernsey herds in the country.”

Cullen growled, “You understand, Pratt, I don’t need him.

My senior herd sire is Mahwah Gallant Masterson who has

43 A R daughters. I have three junior sires who are lined out.

I’m doing this as a favor to the breed and to the National

Guernsey League.”

Bennett said, “About the arrangement. Mr. Cullen is quite

correct when he says he doesn’t really need Caesar. He is

acting very generously, but he isn’t willing to pay you the sum

you paid McMillan. I know, you’ve told me you offered it

and you paid it and you’re satisfied, but the fact remains that

$45,000 is a terrific price tor any bull. Why, Coldwater

Grandee himself sold for $33,000 in 1932, and great as

Caesar is, he isn’t Grandee. In 1932 Grandee had 127 A R

daughters and 15 A R sons. So the arrangement is this: Mr.

Cullen will pay you $33,000, and Monte – Mr. McMillan will

return $12,000 of the sum you paid him. You’ll get all your

money back. It can be paid now with Mr. Cullen’s check,

which I guess you know is good, and there’ll be a truck here

before dark to get Caesar. Mr. Cullen wants to show him at

Crowfield Thursday, if he can be got in shape. I hope he’s not

upset. I understand you’ve got him in a pasture.”

Pratt turned on McMillan. “You told me this noon that

you regarded the deal as closed for good and you wouldn’t

be a party to any effort to cancel it,”

“I know I did.” McMillan couldn’t keep his hand from

trembling a little as he put down his drink. “They’ve been

riding me … they’ve been … I’m an old Guernsey man,

Mr. Pratt.”

“You should be ashamed to admit it!” Cullen exploded.

“They should expel you from the league and freeze you out!

Pratt doesn’t know any better, he has that excuse at least.

But you haven’t! You knew what was going to happen to

that bull before you sold him!”

“Sure.” McMillan nodded wearily. “It’s easy for you to

talk, Mr. Cullen. What have you got, a couple of billion?

What I had, after what the depression did to me, was my

herd and nothing else. Just my herd. Then the anthrax came,

only a month ago, and in one week what did I have? What did

I have left out of my Hickory herd? Four calves, six cows,

one junior sire, and Caesar. What could I do with Caesar

under those conditions? Live on his fees? Where would that

get me? I couldn’t even buy grades to breed him to, let

alone purebreds. I knew no stockman could pay high enough

for him, so I sent telegrams offering him to a dozen of you

gentlemen breeders, and what did I get? You all knew I was

out on a limb, and the best offer was $9000! For Hickory

Caesar Grindon, Then Mr. Pratt shows up and he tells me

straight what he wants to do with Caesar, and of course I

knew it was impossible, even in the fix I was in, but it was

a temptation, so to get rid of him I set a figure so high it was

ridiculous. $45,000” McMillan picked up his glass, looked

into it, and put it down again. He said quietly, “Mr. Pratt

took out his checkbook and wrote out a check and I took it.

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