‘Look, we’re not travelling,’ said Dan. ‘We just want to know how to get out of this thing.’
At that moment Nettle, who seemed to be getting nowhere with the desk light, turned and spotted them. ‘Hey! There you are!’ she called, and then turned back to the desk light and said: ‘Listen, bulb-brain, you can fill your own request forms in – in triplicate – and shove them up your lampshade!’ The desk light rested its head in its hands and pretended to be looking somewhere else.
‘Get off this thing?’ the Doorbot was repeating to itself, as Nettie joined them.
‘Yeah!’ replied Dan. ‘We want to get out – like the quickest way.’
‘Ohh!’ Nettle looked a bit puzzled. ‘Don’t you just want to see round a bit?’
Dan found he was more and more surprised by this extraordinary woman. ‘Look round a bit?’ he exclaimed. ‘Aren’t you scared?’
‘Well – a bit – but it’s so exciting! And these things seem to be perfectly harmless.’ Nettie gave the Doorbot a chuck under the chin. It sniffed and pretended to flick a bit of fluff off its sleeve. A Dustbot shot out from the skirting, picked up the imaginary bit of fluff, squeaked and shot back into the skirting again.
‘It’s amazing, isn’t it?’ ventured Lucy uncertainly.
‘Sensational!’ agreed Nettie.
‘But we’ve got to be sensible,’ said Dan, adopting his ‘I’m in charge’ manner that never fooled anyone. ‘We ought to find the exit – so we know where we are – and then – maybe – we could explore a bit if you really want.’
‘I’m afraid you can’t, sir.’ The Doorbot sniffed in that particular way designed to make anyone, who hasn’t paid a fortune for their ticket to snooty travel agents in Kensington, feel like unwanted dandruff.
‘Can’t what?’ said Lucy.
‘I am afraid you can’t leave the ship,’ replied the Doorbot. ‘Now if you wouldn’t mind hurrying through to your own decks -‘
‘Wait a minute!’ Dan had decided to turn nasty, which, in his case, was usually as nasty as a packet of Band-Aids. ‘What do you mean “we can’t leave the ship”?’
‘Are we prisoners?’ Nettle sounded faintly thrilled.
‘No, madam or thing, of course you are not prisoners; it is simply a physical impossibility for you to leave at this moment in time because the Starship is in flight.’ The Doorbot coughed and indicated the loggia and the Great Central Well. ‘I suggest you all go down to the Super Galactic Traveller Class Restaurant where you will encounter plain home cooking with a great doorway.’
The news that they were in flight had a remarkable effect on the three human beings. If there had been a window, they would all have undoubtedly dashed to it. As there was not, all the energy that would have gone into that dashing had to be used up somehow. Nettle used it up by doing some aerobic movements designed to release stress. Lucy and Dan used it up by shouting at Nettie.
‘You see what you’ve done! Oh my God! We’re in space! It’s all your fault!’ Dan chose plain abuse.
‘I knew it!’ Lucy was going for guilt-provoking self recrimination. ‘I knew we shouldn’t have followed that dumb peroxide airhead!’
‘Please refrain from shouting on the Embarkation Level. There may be First or Second Class passengers about. You may shout as much as you want on the Super Galactic Traveller Class decks,’ said the Doorbot and he again indicated the way down.
Nettle was holding up her hands. ‘Hey! Hey! Guys! Calm down!’
‘Why should we calm down!?’ Dan had hit Histrionic Mode. ‘You’ve just destroyed our future home! You’ve forced us onto an alien spacecraft! And now we’re not even on Earth any more! God knows how we’ll ever get back!’
‘Please!’ said Nettle. ‘I didn’t destroy your future home.’
‘No! No! I know! I’m sorry! I just got carried away!’ Dan didn’t know why he’d said that.
‘And if we really are in the situation this robot tells us we’re in, we’d better keep our heads and decide how to get out of it.’
‘Arrrggggghh! Aggggggghhhhhh! Arrrrghhhhhhhh!!’ Lucy had decided to set aside her admiration for the fabulous decor of the ship and had reverted to Primal Scream Mode.