It has to be explained at this point that the Yassaccans were a peace-loving, kindly race – dedicated to craftsmanship and sober industry. Many of them, however, were also prone to blind, blood-lusting rage when confronted by certain things – such as sloppy workmanship or a disregard for fine hand-crafting. In the distant past these rages had led to terrible destruction of life and property, and, since the moods went as quickly as they came, they had also led to unendurable remorse for many thousands of these otherwise benign and caring folk. The Yassaccan scientists had, therefore, developed the SD weapon, which – unlike the sort of hardware that most military scientists come up with – was designed to reduce death and destruction rather than increase it. The Simulated Destruction weapon – or SD gun – gave the user the momentary impression of having wreaked the bloody revenge that his crazed fury craved – without actually doing any damage. It always surprised and stunned the enemy, but that was all.
Lucy, not knowing any of this, was more than astonished to find herself still alive enough to hear the leader of the invaders demand: ‘You are under arrest! Where are the others?’
‘Hey! This is great! I’m going down one of the cybernautic neural pathways! It’s like a water-slide! Wheeee Excellent!’ exclaimed Dan.
‘Take that stupid thing off his head!’ snapped Bolfass. The Yassaccans had no time for Virtual Reality exercises. Their business was exclusively MatterSide. Two of the invaders grabbed Dan and yanked the helmet off his head.
‘Hey! I was enjoying th-! Jeepers! What’s going on?!’ said Dan as he experienced SRM – Sudden Return to MatterSide.
‘I said: where are the others?’ repeated Bolfass.
‘There aren’t any others,’ replied The Journalist, truculently.
‘Come on! I wasn’t brought up in a Blerontinlan State Nursery!* Who’s running this ship?’ Bolfass was getting irritated again; he’d just noticed the wretched finish on the mess-tables: the Blerontinian furniture makers had used unseasoned Lintin Pine from Northern Blerontin – an inferior wood which would warp badly after a couple of decades in use… and… by the Falls of Faknik! They hadn’t even concealed the end grain with housed joints! In fact, when he looked closer, he could see the tenons were barely haunched – leaving scarcely enough timber at the top of the stile for wedging! Had these people never learned even the most rudimentary basics of the art ofjoinery? Bolfass reached for his SD gun…
– – – – – –
* These institutions were infamous for turning out individuals of less than avenge mental agility – possibly owing to the fact that, for generations, Blerontinian Governments had saved money on these establishments by forbidding any teaching to be done in them.
– – – – – –
But before he could wreak his terrible and destructive revenge on the perpetrators of this slipshod botch-work a miracle happened.
The door of the Crew Room opened and a vision entered – someone so compellingly and so unutterably beautiful that Bolfass fell heavily and permanently in love. His life was never to be the same from that moment forth.
He lowered the SD gun and stared in childlike adoration.
Nettie, who had just completed her course of rejuvenation in Leovinus’s extraordinary beauty parlour, had not only regained her youthful complexion, her body also had returned to its former proportions. In fact, if anything, her waist was just that little bit thinner, her breasts just a tiny bit firmer, the swell of her stomach just a tad more rounded. She looked more lovely than ever for, despite the fresh bloom of youth that had returned to her cheeks, her face was also suffused with the wisdom that comes of having lived for several million years. Old Leovinus certainly knew what he was doing.
‘Nettie!’ murmured Dan.
‘Who d’you say?’ asked Bolfass absent-mindedly.
‘Hi! Everybody!’ said Nettie. ‘Supposing we all introduce ourselves? I’m Nettie.’
‘Captain Bolfass at your service!’ said Bolfass, springing to attention ‘And these are Corporals: Yarktak, Edembop, Ragtiliten, Desembo, Luntparger, Forzab, Kakit, Zimwiddy, Duterprat, Kazitinker-Rigipitil, Purzenhakkken, Roofcleetop, Spanglowiddin, Buke-Hammadorf, Bunzlywotter, Brudelhampon, Harzimwodl, Unctimpoter, Golholiwol, Dinseynewt, Tidoloft, Cossimiwip, Onecrocodil, Erldehammerdrat, Inchbewigglit, Sarniliftodft, Buke-Willinujit (he’s a half-cousin by marriage of Buke-Hammadorf)…’