who I was loving, how I was getting along, where I was. I’d hold it, read it, feel it…
and look at my own face in whatever reflection might be left. Can you dig it?
29
We got back to Castle Rock a little past five o’clock on Sunday morning, the day
before Labour Day. We had walked all night Nobody complained, although we all
had blisters and were all ravenously hungry. My head was throbbing with a killer
headache, and my legs felt twisted and burning with fatigue. Twice we had to
scramble down the embankment to get out of the way of freights. One of them was
going our way, but moving far too fast to hop. It was seeping daylight when we got to
the trestle spanning the Castle again. Chris looked at it, looked at the river, looked back at us.
‘Fuck it I’m walkin’ across. If I get hit by a train I won’t have to watch out for
fuckin’ Ace Merrill’
We all walked across it–plodded might be the better verb. No train came.
When we got to the dump we climbed the fence (no Milo and no Chopper, not this
early, and not on a Sunday morning) and went directly to the pump. Vern primed it
and we all took turns sticking our heads under the icy flow, slapping the water over
our bodies, drinking until we could hold no more. Then we had to put our shirts on again because the morning seemed chilly. We walked–limped -back into town and
stood for a moment on the sidewalk in front of the vacant lot We looked at our
treehouse so we wouldn’t have to look at each other.
‘Well,’ Teddy said at last, ‘seeya in school on Wednesday. I think I’m gonna
sleep until then.’
‘Me too,’ Vern said. I’m too pooped to pop.’
Chris whistled tunelessly through his teeth and said nothing.
‘Hey, man,’ Teddy said awkwardly. ‘No hard feelin’s, okay?’
‘No,’ Chris said, and suddenly his sombre, tired face broke into a sweet and
sunny grin.
‘We did it, didn’t we? We did the bastard.’
‘Yeah,’ Vern said. ‘Your fuckin’ A. Now Billy’s gonna do me: ‘So what?’ Chris
said. ‘Richie’s gonna tool up on me and Ace is probably gonna tool up on Gordie and
somebody else’ll tool up on Teddy. But we did it’
‘That’s right,’ Vern said. But he still sounded unhappy.
Chris looked at me. ‘We did it, didn’t we?’ he asked softly. It was worth it,
wasn’t it?’
‘Sure it was,’ I said.
‘Fuck this,’ Teddy said in his dry I’m-losing-interest way. ‘You guys sound like
fuckin’ Meet the Press. Gimme some skin, man. I’m gonna toot home and see if
Mom’s got me on the Ten Most Wanted list.’
We all laughed, Teddy gave us his surprised Oh-Lord-what-now look, and we
gave him skin. Then he and Vern started off in their direction and I should have gone
in mine.. but I hesitated for a second.
‘Walk with you,’ Chris offered.
‘Sure, okay.’
We walked a block or so without talking. Castle Rock was awesomely quiet in
the day’s first light, and I felt an almost holy tiredness-is-slipping-away sort of feeling.
We were awake and the whole world was asleep and I almost expected to turn the
corner and see my deer standing at the far end of Carbine Street, where the GS&WM
tracks pass through the mill’s loading yard.
Finally Chris spoke. ‘They’ll tell,’ he said.
‘You bet they will. But not today or tomorrow, if that’s what you’re worried
about. It’ll be a long time before they tell, I think. Years, maybe.’
He looked at me, surprised.
‘They’re scared, Chris. Teddy especially, that they won’t take him in the army.
But Vern’s scared, too. They’ll lose some sleep over it, and there’s gonna be times this fall when it’s right on the tips of their tongues to tell somebody, but I don’t think they will. And then… you know what? It sounds fucking crazy, but… I think they’ll almost forget it ever happened.’
He was nodding slowly. ‘I didn’t think of it just like that. You see through
people, Gordie.’
‘Man, I wish I did.’