But Weizak’s face was still and thoughtful.
‘She and Helmut Borentz had four children,’ Johnny said in that same, calm, washed-out voice. ‘His job took him all over the world. He was in Turkey for a while. Somewhere in the Far East, Laos, I think, maybe Cambodia. Then he came here. Virginia first, then some other places I didn’t get, finally California. He and Johanna became U.S. citizens.
Helmut Borentz is dead. One of the children they had is also dead. The others are alive and fine. But she dreams about you sometimes. And in the dreams she thinks, ‘the boy is safe’. But she doesn’t remember your name. Maybe she thinks it’s too late.’
‘California?’ Weizak said thoughtfully. ‘Sam,’ Dr. Brown said. ‘Really, you mustn’t encourage this.’
‘Where in California, John?’
‘Carmel. By the sea. But I couldn’t tell which street. It was there, but I couldn’t tell. It was in the dead zone. Like the picnic table and the rowboat. But she’s in Car-mel, California.
Johanna Borentz. She’s not old.’
‘No, of course she would not be old,’ Sam Weizak said in that same thoughtful, distant tone. ‘She was only twenty-four when the Germans invaded Poland.’
‘Dr. Weizak, I have to insist,’ Brown said harshly. Weizak seemed to come out of a deep study. He looked around as if noticing his younger colleague for the first time. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘Of course you must. And John has had his question-and-answer period
… although I believe he has told us more than we have told him.’
‘That’s nonsense,’ Brown said curtly, and Johnny thought: He’s scared. Scared spitless.
Weizak smiled at Brown, and then at the nurse. She was eyeing Johnny as if he were a tiger in a poorly built cage. ‘Don’t talk about this, Nurse. Not to your supervisor, your mother, your brother, your lover, or your priest. Understood?’
‘Yes, Doctor,’ the nurse said. But she’ll talk, Johnny thought, and then glanced at Weizak.
And he knows it.
He slept most of the afternoon. Around four P.M. he was rolled down the corridor to the elevator, taken down to neurology, and there were more tests. Johnny cried. He seemed to have very little control over the functions adults are supposed to be able to control. On his way back up, he urinated on himself and had to be changed like a baby. The first (but far from the last) wave of deep depression washed over him, carried him limply away, and he wished himself dead. Self-pity accompanied the depression and he thought how unfair this was. He had done a Rip van Winkle. He couldn’t walk. His girl had married another man and his mother was in the grip of a religious mania, He couldn’t see anything ahead that looked worth living for.
Back in his room, the nurse asked him if he would like anything. If Marie had been on duty, Johnny would have asked for ice water. But she had gone off at three.
‘No,’ he said, and rolled over to face the wall. After a little while, he slept.
CHAPTER EIGHT
1.
His father and mother came in for an hour that evening, and Vera left a bundle of tracts.
‘We’re going to stay until the end of the week,’ Herb said, ‘and then, if you’re still doing fine, we’ll be going back to Pownal for a while. But we’ll be back up every weekend.’
‘I want to stay with my boy,’ Vera said loudly.
‘It’s best that you don’t, Mom,’ Johnny said. The depression had lifted a little bit, but he remembered how black it had been. If his mother started to talk about God’s wonderful plan for him while he was in that state, he doubted if he would be able to hold back his cackles of hysterical laughter.
‘You need me, John. You need me to explain
‘First I need to get well,’ Johnny said. ‘You can explain after I can walk. Okay?’
She didn’t answer. There was an almost comically stubborn expression on her face –
except there was nothing very funny about it. Nothing at all. Nothing but a quirk of fate, that’s all. Five minutes earlier or later on that road would have changed everything. Now look at us, all of us fucked over royally. And she believes it’s God’s plan. It’s either that or go completely crazy, I suppose