Stephen King – The Waste Lands

defeat even the gunslinger’s tracking abilities—but it cheered his heart to think that Roland

might not have died in an attempt to keep his promise.

They turned right, left, then left again. As Jake’s other senses sharp- ened in an attempt to

compensate for his lack of sight, he had a vague perception of other tunnels around him.

The muffled sounds of ancient, laboring machinery would grow loud for a moment, then

fade as the stone foundations of the city drew close around them again. Drafts blew

intermittently against his skin, sometimes warm, sometimes chilly. Their splashing

footfalls echoed briefly as they passed the intersecting tunnels from which these stenchy

breaths blew, and once Jake nearly brained himself on some metal object jutting down

from the ceiling. He slapped at it with one hand and felt something that might have been a

large valve-wheel. After that he waved his hands as he trotted along in an attempt to read

the air ahead of him.

Gasher guided him with taps to the shoulders, as a waggoner might have guided his oxen.

They moved at a good clip, trotting but not run- ning. Gasher got enough of his breath back

to first hum and then begin singing in a low, surprisingly tuneful tenor voice.

“Bibble-ti-tibble-ti-ting-ting-ting,

I’ll get a job and buy yer a ring,

When I get my -mitts

On yerjiggly tits,

Ribble-ti-tibble-ti-ting-ting-ting!

O ribble-ti-tibble,

I just wanter fiddle,

Fiddle around with your ting-ting-ting!”

There were five or six more verses along this line before Gasher quit. “Now you sing

somethin, squint.”

“I don’t know anything,” Jake puffed. He hoped he sounded more out of breath than he

actually was. He didn’t know if it would do him any good or not, but down here in the dark

any edge seemed worth trying for.

Gasher brought his elbow down in the center of Jake’s back, almost hard enough to send

him sprawling into the ankle-high water running sluggishly through the tunnel they were

traversing. “Yon better know sominat, ‘less you want me to rip your ever-lovin spine right

outcher back.” He paused, then added: “There’s haunts down here, boy. They live inside the fuckin machines, so they do. Singin keeps em off . . . don’t you know that? Now sing!”

Jake thought hard, not wanting to earn another love-tap from Gasher, and came up with a

song he’d learned in summer day camp at the age of seven or eight. He opened his mouth

and began to bawl it into the darkness, listening to the echoes bounce back amid the sounds

of running water, falling water, and ancient thudding machinery.

“My girl’s a corker, she’s a New Yorker,

I buy her everything to keep her in style,

She got a pair of hips

Just like two battleships,

Oh boy, that’s how my money goes.

My girl’s a dilly, she comes from Philly,

I buy her everything to keep her in style,

She’s got a pair of eyes

Just like two pizza pies,

Oh boy, that’s how—”

Gasher reached out, seized Jake’s ears as if they were jug-handles, and yanked him to a

stop. “There’s a hole right ahead of yer,” he said. “With a voice like yours, squint, it’d be doin the world a mercy to letcher fall in, so it would, but Tick-Tock wouldn’t approve at all,

so I reckon ye’re safe for a little longer.” Gasher’s hands left Jake’s ears, which burned like fire, and fastened on the back of his shirt. “Now lean forward until you feel the ladder on the t’other side. And mind you don’t slip and drag us both down!”

Jake leaned cautiously forward, hands outstretched, terrified of fall- ing into a pit he

couldn’t see. As he groped for the ladder, he became aware of warm air—clean and almost

fragrant—whooshing past his face, and a faint blush of rose-colored light from beneath

him. His fingers touched a steel rung and closed over it. The bite-wounds on his left hand

broke open again, and he felt warm blood running across his palm.

“Got it?” Gasher asked.

“Yes.”

“Then climb down! What are you waitin for, gods damn it!” Gasher let go of his shirt, and Jake could imagine him drawing his foot back, meaning to hurry him along with a kick in

the ass. Jake stepped across the faintly glimmering gap and began to descend the ladder,

using his hurt hand as little as possible. This time the rungs were clear of moss and oil, and

hardly rusted at all. The shaft was very long and as Jake went down, hurrying to keep

Gasher from stepping on his hands with his thick-soled boots, he found himself

remembering a movie he’d once seen on TV—Journey to the Center of the Earth.

The throb of machinery grew louder and the rosy glow grew stronger. The machines still

didn’t sound right, but his ears told him these were in better shape than the ones above. And

when he finally reached the bottom, he found the floor was dry. The new horizontal shaft

was square, about six feet high, and sleeved with riveted stainless steel. It stretched away

for as far as Jake could see in both directions, straight as a string. He knew instinctively,

without even thinking about it, that this tunnel (which had to be at least seventy feet under

Lud) also followed the path of the Beam. And somewhere up ahead—Jake was sure of this,

although he couldn’t have said why—the train they had come looking for lay directly above

it.

Narrow ventilation grilles ran along the sides of the walls just below the shaft’s ceiling; it was from these that the clean, dry air was flowing. Moss dangled from some of them in

blue-gray beards, but most were still clear. Below every other grille was a yellow arrow

with a symbol that looked a bit like a lower-case t. The arrows pointed in the direction Jake

and Gasher were heading.

The rose-colored light was coming from glass tubes which ran along the ceiling of the

shaft in parallel rows. Some—about one in every three—were dark, and others sputtered

fitfully, but at least half of them were still working. Neon tubing, Jake thought, amazed.

How about that?

Gasher dropped down beside him. He saw Jake’s expression of sur- prise and grinned.

“Nice, ennet? Cool in the summer, warm in the win- ter, and so much food that five hunnert

men couldn’t eat it in five hunnert years. And do yer know the best part, squint? The very

best part of the whole coozy fakement?”

Jake shook his head.

“Farkin Pubies don’t have the leastest idear the place even exists. They think there’s

monsters down here. Catch a Pubie goin within twenty feet of a sewer-cap, less’n he has

to!”

He threw his head back and laughed heartily. Jake didn’t join in, even though a cold voice

in the back of his mind told him it might be politic to do so. He didn’t join in because he

knew exactly how the Pubes felt. There were monsters under the city—trolls and boggerts

and ores. Hadn’t he been captured by just such a one?

Gasher shoved him to the left. “Gam—almost there now. Hup!”

They jogged on, their footfalls chasing them in a pack of echoes. After ten or fifteen

minutes of this, Jake saw a watertight hatchway about two hundred yards ahead. As they

drew closer, he could see a big valve-wheel sticking out of it. A communicator box was

mounted on the wall to the right.

“I’m blown out,” Gasher gasped as they reached the door at the end of the tunnel. “Doin’s like this are too much for an inwalid like yer old pal, so they are!” He thumbed the button on the intercom and bawled: “I got im, Tick-Tock—got him as dandy as you please! Didn’t

even muss ‘is hair! Didn’t I tell yer I would? Trust the Gasherman, I said, for he’ll leadjer

straight and true! Now open up and let us in!”

He let go of the button and looked impatiently at the door. The valve-wheel didn’t turn.

Instead a flat, drawling voice came out of the intercom speaker: “What’s the password?”

Gasher frowned horribly, scratched his chin with his long, dirty nails, then lifted his

eyepatch and swabbed out another clot of yellow-green goo. “Tick-Tock and his

passwords!” he said to Jake. He sounded worried as well as irritated. “He’s a trig cove, but

that’s takin it a deal too far if you ask me, so it is.”

He pushed the button and yelled, “Come on, Tick-Tock! If you don’t reckergnize the sound

of my voice, you need a heary-aid!”

“Oh, I recognize it,” the drawling voice returned. To Jake it sounded like Jerry Reed, who played Burt Reynolds’s sidekick in Smokey and the Bandit. “But I don’t know who’s with

you, do I? Or have you forgotten that the camera out there went tits-up last year? You give

the password, Gasher, or you can rot out there!”

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