That alone wouldn’t have made anybody laugh, unless they were stupid or just poison-mean. It was
when you added the groom, Rico, to the picture that you wanted to laugh until you cried. He could have put on a top hat and still stood in the top half of her shadow. He looked like he might have weighed ninety pounds or so, soaking wet. He was skinny as a rail, his complexion darkly olive. When he grinned around nervously, his teeth looked like a picket fence in a slum neighborhood.
We kept right on playing.
Scollay roared: “The bride and the groom! God give ’em every happiness!” And if God don’t, his thundering brow proclaimed, you folks here better — at least today.
Everyone shouted their approval and applauded. We finished our number with a flourish, and that
brought another round. Scollay’s sister Maureen smiled. God, her mouth was big. Rico simpered.
For a while everyone just walked around, eating cheese and cold cuts on crackers and drinking Scollay’s best bootleg Scotch. I had three shots myself between numbers, and it put Tommy Englander’s rye in the shade.
Scollay began to look happier, too — a little, anyway.
He cruised by the bandstand once and said, “You guys play pretty good.” Coming from a music lover like him, I reckoned that was a real compliment.
Just before everyone sat down to the meal, Maureen came up herself. She was even uglier up close, and her white gown (there must have been enough white satin wrapped around that mama to cover three beds) wasn’t helping her at all. She asked us if we could play “Roses of Picardy” like Red Nichols and His Five Pennies, because, she said, it was her very favorite song. Fat and ugly she was, but hoity-toity she was not —
unlike some of the two-bitters who’d been dropping by to make requests. We played it, but not very well. Still, she gave us a sweet smile that was almost enough to make her pretty, and she applauded when it was done.
They sat down to dinner around 6:15, and Miss Gibson’s hired help rolled the chow to them. They fell to like a bunch of animals, which was not entirely surprising, and kept knocking back that high-tension booze the whole time. I couldn’t help watching the way Maureen was eating. I tried to look away, but my eye kept wandering back, as if to make sure it was seeing what it thought it was seeing. The rest of them were packing it in, but she made them look like old ladies in a tearoom. She had no more time for sweet smiles or listening to
“Roses of Picardy”; you could have stuck a sign in front of her that said WOMAN WORKING That lady didn’t need a knife and fork; she needed a steam shovel and a conveyor belt. It was sad to watch her. And Rico (you could just see his chin over the table where the bride was sitting, and a pair of brown eyes as shy as a deer’s) kept handing her things, never changing that nervous simper.
We took a twenty-minute break while the cake-cutting ceremony was going on, and Miss Gibson
herself fed us in the kitchen. It was hot as blazes with the cookstove on, and none of us was too hungry. The gig had started out feeling right and now it felt wrong. I could see it on my band’s faces… on Miss Gibson’s, too, for that matter.
By the time we returned to the bandstand, the drinking had begun in earnest. Tough-looking guys
staggered around with silly grins on their mugs or stood in corners haggling over racing forms. Some couples wanted to Charleston, so we played “Aunt Hagar’s Blues” (those goons ate it up) and “I’m Gonna Charleston Back to Charleston” and some other numbers like that. Jazz-baby stuff. The debs rocked around the floor, flashing their rolled hose and shaking their fingers beside their faces and yelling voe-doe-dee-oh-doe, a phrase that makes me feel like sicking up my supper to this very day. It was getting dark out. The screens had fallen off some of the windows and moths came in and flitted around the light fixtures in clouds. And, as the song says, the band played on. The bride and groom stood on the sidelines — neither of them seemed interested in slipping away early — almost completely neglected. Even Scollay seemed to have forgotten about them. He was pretty drunk.
It was almost 8:00 when the little fellow crept in. I spotted him immediately because he was sober and he looked scared; scared as a nearsighted cat in a dog pound. He walked up to Scollay, who was talking with some floozie right by the bandstand, and tapped him on the shoulder. Scollay wheeled around, and I heard every word they said. Believe me, I wish I hadn’t.
“Who the hell are you?” Scollay asked rudely.
“My name is Demetrius,” the fellow said. “Demetrius Katzenos. I come from the Greek.”
Motion on the floor came to a dead stop. Jacket buttons were freed, and hands stole out of sight under lapels. I saw Manny looking nervous. Hell, I didn’t feel so calm myself. We kept on playing though, you bet.
“Is that right,” Scollay said quietly, almost reflectively.
The guy burst out, “I didn’t want to come, Mr. Scollay! The Greek, he has my wife. He say he kill her if I doan give you his message!”
“What message?” Scollay growled. The thunderclouds were back on his forehead.
“He say — ” The guy paused with an agonized expression. His throat worked as if the words were physical things, caught in there and choking him. “He say to tell you your sister is one fat pig. He say… he say…” His eyes rolled wildly at Scollay’s still expression. I shot a look at Maureen. She looked as if she had been slapped. “He say she got an itch. He say if a fat woman got an itch on her back, she buy a back-scratcher.
He say if a woman got an itch in her parts, she buy a man.”
Maureen gave a great strangled cry and ran out, weeping. The floor shook. Rico pattered after her, his face bewildered. He was wringing his hands.
Scollay had grown so red his cheeks were actually purple. I half-expected — maybe more than half-
expected — his brains to just blow out his ears. I saw that same look of mad agony I had seen in the dark outside Englander’s. Maybe he was just a cheap hood, but I felt sorry for him. You would have, too.
When he spoke his voice was very quiet — almost mild.
“Is there more?”
The little Greek man quailed. His voice was splintery with anguish. “Please doan kill me, Mr. Scollay!
My wife — the Greek, he got my wife! I doan want to say these thing! He got my wife, my woman — ”
“I ain’t going to hurt you,” Scollay said, quieter still. “Just tell me the rest.”
“He say the whole town laughing at you.”
We had stopped playing and there was dead silence for a second. Then Scollay turned his eyes to the
ceiling. Both of his hands were shaking and held out clenched in front of him. He was holding them in fists so tight that it seemed I could see his hamstrings standing out right through his shirt.
“ALL RIGHT!” he screamed. “ALL RIGHT!”
He broke for the door. Two of his men tried to stop him, tried to tell him it was suicide, just what the Greek wanted, but Scollay was like a crazy man. He knocked them down and rushed out into the black summer night.
In the dead quiet that followed, all I could hear was the messenger’s tortured breathing and somewhere out back, the soft sobbing of the bride.
Just about then the young kid who had braced us when we came in uttered a curse and made for the
door. He was the only one.
Before he could even get under the big paper shamrock hung in the foyer, automobile tires screeched on the pavement and engines revved up — a lot of engines. It sounded like Memorial Day at the Brickyard out there.
“Oh dear-to-Jaysus!” the kid screamed from the doorway. “It’s a fucking caravan! Get down, boss! Get down! Get down — ”
The night exploded with gunfire. It was like World War I out there for maybe a minute, maybe two.
Bullets stitched across the open door of the hall, and one of the hanging light-globes overhead exploded.
Outside the night was bright with Winchester fireworks. Then the cars howled away. One of the molls was brushing broken glass out of her bobbed hair.
Now that the danger was over, the rest of the goons rushed out. The door to the kitchen banged open
and Maureen ran through again. Everything she had was jiggling. Her face was more puffy than ever. Rico came in her wake like a bewildered valet. They went out the door.