Sweet MYTH-tery of Life by Robert Asprin

“Just tell her I’ll be over in a few moments, as soon as I finish my conversation here.”

“Great! She’ll die!”

I watched her scamper off to tell her friends, then turned back to Aahz.

“I may throw up,” he announced.

“You’re just jealous,” I grinned. “Keep an eye on my drink for me, will you?”

With that I rose and headed for the girls’ table. At least, I started to.

There was a gangly youth blocking my way. I started to move around him, but he stepped sideways, deliberately putting himself in my path again.

I stopped and looked at him.

I’d been in fights before. Sometimes against some pretty tough customers when I wasn’t sure I would survive it. This joker, however, was different.

He couldn’t have been more than my age. Probably a few years younger. What’s more, he didn’t hold himself with the confident poise of a brawler or even a soldier. In fact, if anything, he looked scared.

“Leave them alone,” he said in a shaky voice.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said leave them alone!” he repeated, his voice gaining a bit of strength.

I let the ghost of a smile play across my face.

“Young man,” I said gently, “do you know who I am?”

“Oh, I know all right,” he nodded. “You’re Skeeve. The big bad wizard from the castle. What’s more, I know you can make me sorry I ever breathed, much less got in your way. You can turn me into a toad or make my hair burst into flame, or even whistle up some nasty creature to tear me apart if you don’t want to get your own hands dirty. You can squash me or anyone else you want just to get your way . . . but it doesn’t make it right. Maybe it’s about time someone stood up to you even if it means getting killed just for trying.”

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