Sweet MYTH-tery of Life by Robert Asprin

I also realized that I wanted a goblet of wine, but suppressed the desire. Instead, I perched on the side of the bed.

“All right, Guido,” I said. “What was that all about?”

“Sorry to barge in like that, Boss,” my bodyguard said, not looking at all apologetic. “You know that’s not my normal style.”

“So what were you doing?”

“What I was doin’ was my job,” he retorted. “As your bodyguard, I was attemptin’ to protect you from bein’ hurt or maybe even killed. It’s what you pay me for, accordin’ to my job description.”

“Protecting me? From those two? Com’on, Guido. They were just arguing. They weren’t even arguing with me. It was a family squabble between the two of them.”

“Just arguing!” my bodyguard said, looming over me. “What do you think …”

He broke off suddenly and stepped back, breathing heavy.

I was genuinely puzzled. I couldn’t recall having seen Guido more upset, but I really couldn’t figure out what was bothering him.

“Sorry, Boss,” he said finally, in a more normal tone. “I’m still a little worked up after that close call. I’ll be all right in a second.”

“What close call?” I pressed. “They were just . . .”

“I know, I know,” he said, waving me to silence. “They were just arguing.”

He took a deep breath and flexed his arms and hands.

“You know, Boss, I keep forgettin’ how inexperienced you are. I mean, you may be tops in the magik department, but when it comes to my specialty, which is to say rough and tumble stuff, you’re still a babe in the woodwork.”

A part of me wanted to argue this, since I had been in some pretty nasty scrapes over the years, but I kept my mouth shut. Guido and his cousin Nunzio were specialists, and if nothing else over the years I’ve learned to respect expertise.

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