“Oh, it is,” the troll nodded. “Trying to ‘make it work’ is the most frustrating, depressing pastime ever invented. The real problem is that they’ve each ended up with the wrong person, but rather than admit that, they try to gloss things over with cosmetics.”
“Cosmetics?”
“Surface changes. Things that really don’t matter.”
“I don’t get it.”
“All right,” the troll said. “I’ll give you an example. The wife says she needs some new clothes, so her husband gives her some money to go out shopping. That’s a rather simple and straight forward exchange, wouldn’t you say?”
“Well . . . yes.”
“Only on the surface,” Chumley explained. “Now look at it a little deeper … at what’s really going on. The husband has been getting caught up in his work . . . that’s a normal reaction for a man when he get’s married and starts feeling ‘responsible,’ by the way . . . and his wife is feeling unhappy and ignored. Her solution is that she needs some new clothes to make her more attractive so her husband will pay more attention to her. A surface solution to her unhappiness. Now, when she says she needs new clothes, the husband is annoyed because she seems to have a closet full of clothes that she never wears, but rather than argue with her, he gives her some money for shopping . . . again, a surface solution. You’ll notice that he simply gives her the money. He doesn’t take her shopping and help her find some new outfits.”
The troll leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.
“From there, it goes downhill. She gets some new clothes and wears them, but the husband either doesn’t notice or doesn’t comment . . . possibly because he still resents having to pay for what he thinks is a needless purchase. Therefore, buying new clothes . . . her surface solution . . . doesn’t work because she still feels ignored and unhappy . . . and a little angry and frustrated that her husband doesn’t seem to appreciate her no matter how hard she tries. Her husband, in the meantime, senses that she’s still unhappy so that giving her money . . . his surface solution . . . didn’t work. He feels even more bitter and resentful because now it seems that his wife is going to be upset and unhappy even if he ‘gives her everything she’s asked for.’ You see, by trying to deal with the problem with surface, cosmetic gestures without acknowledging to themselves the real issues, they’ve actually made things worse instead of better.”