“Yes.”
“Then you have to believe in me. You have to work with me. I can’t do it alone. What do you say?”
There was a long silence. “What do you want me to do?”
“First, I want a promise from you that you’ll never try to harm yourself again.”
“All right. I promise.”
“I’m going to get the same promise now from Toni and Alette. I’m going to put you to sleep now.”
A few minutes later, Dr. Keller was speaking to Toni.
“That selfish bitch tried to kill us all. She thinks only about herself. Do you see what I mean?”
“Toni—”
“Well, I’m not having it. I—”
“Will you be quiet and listen to me?”
“I’m listening.”
“I want you to promise that you’ll never harm Ashley.”
“Why should I promise?”
“I’ll tell you why. Because you’re part of her. You were born out of her pain. I don’t know yet what you’ve had to go through, Toni, but I know that it must have been terrible. But you have to realize that she went through the same thing, and Alette was born for the same reason as you. The three of you have a lot in common. You should help each other, not hate each other. Will you give me your word?”
Nothing.
“Toni?”
“I suppose so,” she said grudgingly.
“Thank you. Do you want to talk about England now?”
“No.”
“Alette. Are you there?”
“Yes.” Where do you think I am, stupid?
“I want you to make me the same promise that Toni did. Promise never to harm Ashley.”
That’s the only one you care about, isn’t it? Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. What about us?
“Alette?”
“Yes. I promise.”
The months were going by, and there were no signs of progress. Dr. Keller sat at his desk, reviewing notes, recalling sessions, trying to find a clue to what was wrong. He was taking care of half a dozen other patients, but he found that it was Ashley he was most concerned about. There was such an incredible chasm between her innocent vulnerability and the dark forces that were able to take over her life. Every time he talked to Ashley, he had an overpowering urge to try to protect her. She’s like a daughter to me, he thought. Who am I kidding? I’m falling in love with her.
Dr. Keller went to see Otto Lewison. “I have a problem, Otto.”
“I thought that was reserved for our patients.”
“This involves one of our patients. Ashley Patterson.”
“Oh?”
“I find that I’m—I’m very attracted to her.”
“Reverse transference?”
“Yes.”
“That could be very dangerous for both of you, Gilbert.”
“I know.”
“Well, as long as you’re aware of it…Be careful.”
“I intend to.”
NOVEMBER
I gave Ashley a diary this morning.
“I want you and Toni and Alette to use this, Ashley. You can keep it in your room. Anytime that any of you has any thoughts or ideas that you prefer to write down instead of talking to me, just put them down.”
“All right, Gilbert.”
A month later, Dr. Keller wrote in his diary:
DECEMBER
The treatment is at a standstill. Toni and Alette refuse to discuss the past. It is becoming more difficult to persuade Ashley to undergo hypnosis.
MARCH
The diary is still blank. I’m not sure whether the most resistance is coming from Ashley or Toni. When I do hypnotize Ashley, Toni and Alette come out very briefly. They are adamant about not discussing the past.
JUNE
I meet with Ashley regularly, but I feel there’s no progress. The diary is still untouched. I have given Alette an easel and a set of paints. I am hoping that if she begins to paint, there may be a breakthrough.
JULY
Something happened, but I’m not sure if it’s a sign of progress. Alette painted a beautiful picture of the hospital grounds. When I complimented her on it, she seemed pleased. That evening the painting was torn to shreds.
Dr. Keller and Otto Lewison were having coffee.
“I think I’m going to try a little group therapy,” Dr. Keller said. “Nothing else seems to be working.”
“How many patients did you have in mind?”
“Not more than half a dozen. I want her to start interacting with other people. Right now she’s living in a world of her own. I want her to break out of that.”