THE $30,000 BEQUEST and Other Stories by Mark Twain

Admire this master piece gothic architecture’s.

The chasing of all they figures is astonishing’ indeed.

The cupola and the nave are not less curious to see.

What is this palace how I see yonder?

It is the town hall.

And this tower here at this side?

It is the Observatory.

The bridge is very fine, it have ten arches, and is constructed

of free stone.

The streets are very layed out by line and too paved.

What is the circuit of this town?

Two leagues.

There is it also hospitals here?

It not fail them.

What are then the edifices the worthest to have seen?

It is the arsnehal, the spectacle’s hall, the Cusiomhouse,

and the Purse.

We are going too see the others monuments such that the public

pawnbroker’s office, the plants garden’s, the money office’s,

the library.

That it shall be for another day; we are tired.


To Inform One’self of a Person

How is that gentilman who you did speak by and by?

Is a German.

I did think him Englishman.

He is of the Saxony side.

He speak the french very well.

Tough he is German, he speak so much well italyan, french, spanish

and english, that among the Italyans, they believe him Italyan,

he speak the frenche as the Frenches himselves. The Spanishesmen

believe him Spanishing, and the Englishes, Englishman. It is

difficult to enjoy well so much several languages.

The last remark contains a general truth; but it ceases to be a truth

when one contracts it and apples it to an individual–provided that

that individual is the author of this book, Sehnor Pedro Carolino.

I am sure I should not find it difficult “to enjoy well so much

several languages”–or even a thousand of them–if he did the

translating for me from the originals into his ostensible English.



Good little girls ought not to make mouths at their teachers for

every trifling offense. This retaliation should only be resorted

to under peculiarly aggravated circumstances.

If you have nothing but a rag-doll stuffed with sawdust, while one

of your more fortunate little playmates has a costly China one,

you should treat her with a show of kindness nevertheless.

And you ought not to attempt to make a forcible swap with her unless

your conscience would justify you in it, and you know you are able

to do it.

You ought never to take your little brother’s “chewing-gum” away

from him by main force; it is better to rope him in with the promise

of the first two dollars and a half you find floating down the

river on a grindstone. In the artless simplicity natural to this

time of life, he will regard it as a perfectly fair transaction.

In all ages of the world this eminently plausible fiction has lured

the obtuse infant to financial ruin and disaster.

If at any time you find it necessary to correct your brother,

do not correct him with mud–never, on any account, throw mud at him,

because it will spoil his clothes. It is better to scald him a little,

for then you obtain desirable results. You secure his immediate

attention to the lessons you are inculcating, and at the same time

your hot water will have a tendency to move impurities from his person,

and possibly the skin, in spots.

If your mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply

that you won’t. It is better and more becoming to intimate

that you will do as she bids you, and then afterward act quietly

in the matter according to the dictates of your best judgment.

You should ever bear in mind that it is to your kind parents that you

are indebted for your food, and for the privilege of staying home

from school when you let on that you are sick. Therefore you ought

to respect their little prejudices, and humor their little whims,

and put up with their little foibles until they get to crowding you

too much.

Good little girls always show marked deference for the aged.

You ought never to “sass” old people unless they “sass” you first.



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Categories: Twain, Mark