In his anguish he began to beat the sides of his head with his fists.
“Stop that!” Garion said sharply. “You’ll hurt yourself. What’s this all about?”
“UL told me that I was to reveal the child to Ulgo. I took his words to mean that I had found special grace in his eyes.”
“What child are we talking about?”
“The child. The new Gorim. It’s UL’s way to guide and protect his people. When an old Gorim’s work is done, UL places a special mark upon the eyes of the child who is to succeed him. When UL told me that I had been chosen to bring the child to Ulgo, I revealed his words to others, and, they revered me and asked me to speak to them in the words of UL. I saw sin and corruption all around me and I denounced it, and the people listened to me – but the words were mine, not UL’s. In my pride, I presumed to speak for UL. I ignored my own sins to accuse the sins of others.” Relg’s voice was harsh with fanatic self accusation. “I am filth,” he declared, “an abomination. UL should have raised his hand against me and destroyed me.”
“That’s forbidden,” Garion told him without thinking.
“Who has the power to forbid anything to UL?”
“I don’t know. All I know is that unmaking is forbidden – even to the Gods. It’s the very first thing we learn.”
Relg looked up sharply, and Garion knew instantly that he had made a dreadful mistake. “You know the secrets of the Gods?” the fanatic demanded incredulously.
“The fact that they’re Gods doesn’t have anything to do with it,” Garion replied. “The rule applies to everybody.”
Relg’s eyes burned with a sudden hope. He drew himself up onto his knees and bowed forward until his face was in the dirt. “Forgive me my sin,” he intoned.
“What?”
“I have exalted myself when I was unworthy.”
“You made a mistake – that’s all. Just don’t do it anymore. Please get up, Relg.”
“I’m wicked and impure.”
“You?”
“I’ve had impure thoughts about women.”
Garion flushed with embarrassment. “We all have those kinds of thoughts once in a while,” he said with a nervous cough.
“My thoughts are wicked – wicked,” Relg groaned with guilt. “I burn with them.”
“I’m sure that UL understands. Please get up, Relg. You don’t have to do this.”
“I have prayed with my mouth when my mind and heart were not in my prayers.”
“Relg-”
“I have sought out hidden caves for the joy of finding them rather than to consecrate them to UL. I have this defiled the gift given me by my God.”
“Please, Relg-”
Relg began to beat his head on the ground. “Once I found a cave where the echoes of UL’s voice lingered. I did not reveal it to others, but kept the sound of UL’s voice for myself.”
Garion began to become alarmed. The fanatic Relg was working himself into a frenzy.
“Punish me, Belgarion,” Relg pleaded. “Lay a hard penance on me for my iniquity.”
Garion’s mind was very clear as he answered. He knew exactly what he had to say. “I can’t do that, Relg,” he said gravely. “I can’t punish you – any more than I can forgive you. If you’ve done things you shouldn’t have, that’s between you and UL. If you think you need to be punished, you’ll have to do it yourself. I can’t. I won’t.”
Relg lifted his stricken face out of the dirt and stared at Garion. Then with a strangled cry he lurched to his feet and fled wailing into the darkness.
“Garion!” Aunt Pol’s voice rang with that familiar note.
“I didn’t do anything,” he protested almost automatically.
“What did you say to him?” Belgarath demanded.
“He said that he’d committed all kinds of sins,” Garion explained. “He wanted me to punish him and forgive him.”
“So?”
“I couldn’t do that, Grandfather.”
“What’s so hard about it?”
Garion stared at him.
“All you had to do was lie to him a little. Is that so difficult?”
“Lie? About something like that?” Garion was horrified at the thought.
“I need him, Garion, and he can’t function if he’s incapacitated by some kind of religious hysteria. Use your head, boy.”
“I can’t do it, Grandfather,” Garion repeated stubbornly. “It’s too important to him for me to cheat him about it.”
“You’d better go find him, father,” Aunt Pol said.
Belgarath scowled at Garion. “You and I aren’t finished with this yet, boy,” he said, pointing an angry finger. Then, muttering irritably to himself, he went in search of Relg.
With a cold certainty Garion suddenly knew that the journey to Cthol Murgos was going to be very long and uncomfortable.
Chapter Twenty
THOUGH SUMMER THAT year had lingered in the lowlands and on the plains of Algaria, autumn was brief. The blizzards and squalls they had encountered in the mountains above Maragor and again among the peaks of Ulgo had hinted that winter would be early and severe, and there was already a chill to the nights as they rode day after day across the open grassland toward the eastern escarpment.
Belgarath had recovered from his momentary fit of anger over Garion’s failure to deal with Relg’s attack of guilt, but then, with inescapable logic, he had placed an enormous burden squarely on Garion’s shoulders. “For some reason he trusts you,” the old man observed, “so I’m going to leave him entirely in your hands. I don’t care what you have to do, but keep him from flying apart again.”
At first, Relg refused to respond to Garion’s efforts to draw him out; but after a while, one of the waves of panic caused by the thought of the open sky above swept over the zealot, and he began to talk – haltingly at first but then finally in a great rush. As Garion had feared, Relg’s favorite topic was sin. Garion was amazed at the simple things that Relg considered sinful. Forgetting to pray before a meal, for example, was a major transgression. As the fanatic’s gloomy catalogue of his faults expanded, Garion began to perceive that most of his sins were sins of thought rather than of action. The one matter that kept cropping up again and again was the question of lustful thoughts about women. To Garion’s intense discomfort, Relg insisted on describing these lustful thoughts extensively.
“Women are not the same as we are, of course,” the zealot confided one afternoon as they rode together. “Their minds and hearts are not drawn to holiness the way ours are, and they set out deliberately to tempt us with their bodies and draw us into sin.”
“Why do you suppose that is?” Garion asked carefully.
“Their hearts are filled with lust,” Relg declared adamantly. “They take particular delight in tempting the righteous. I tell you truly, Belgarion, you would not believe the subtlety of the creatures. I have seen the evidence of this wickedness in the soberest of matrons – the wives of some of my most devout followers. They’re forever touching – brushing as if by accident – and they take great pains to allow the sleeves of their robes to slip up brazenly to expose their rounded arms – and the hems of their garments always seem to be hitching up to display their ankles.”
“If it bothers you, don’t look,” Garion suggested.
Relg ignored that. “I have even considered banning them from my presence, but then I thought that it might be better if I kept my eyes on them so that I could protect my followers from their wickedness. I thought for a time that I should forbid marriage among my followers, but some of the older ones told me that I might lose the young if I did that. I still think it might not be a bad idea.”
“Wouldn’t that sort of eliminate your followers altogether?” Garion asked him. “I mean, if you kept it up long enough? No marriage, no children. You get my point?”
“That’s the part I haven’t worked out yet,” Relg admitted.
“And what about the child – the new Gorim? If two people are supposed to get married so they can have a child – that particular, special child – and you persuade them not to, aren’t you interfering with something that UL wants to happen?”
Relg drew in a sharp breath as if he had not considered that. Then he groaned. “You see? Even when I’m trying my very hardest, I always seem to stumble straight into sin. I’m cursed, Belgarion, cursed. Why did UL choose me to reveal the child when I am so corrupt?”
Garion quickly changed the subject to head off that line of thought. For nine days they crossed the endless sea of grass toward the eastern escarpment, and for nine days the others, with a callousness that hurt Garion to the quick, left him trapped in the company of the ranting zealot. He gew sulky and frequently cast reproachful glances at them, but they ignored him.