The Bug Wars by Robert Asprin

With that I turned to the Planetary Commander.

“I feel that with our participation in this meeting, our part of this mission is completed. At this point I wish to formally and publicly decry one of my team, specifically Ssah. Her lack of action, her failure to save a teammate in a fatal situation, her constant endangering of the team with her self-centered drive for power-all contribute to my thoughts when I state that I find her conduct intolerable and unworthy of a Tzen, much less a Warrior. I call upon the assembled Commanders to witness my formal accusation of ineffectiveness of my teammate Ssah.”

The Planetary Commander looked at Ssah.

“Ssah, do you wish to reply at this time?”

“I deny the charges leveled at me by Commander Rahm. Further, I would lodge countercharge that the Commander himself created the situations he described by his failure to provide firm leadership and his inability to issue clear and definitive orders.”

The Planetary Commander turned to me once more.

“Rahm, do you wish this matter settled in a Court of Warriors or by personal combat?”

“Personal combat.”

“Choice of weapons?”

“Dueling sticks.”

“Will you represent yourself or appoint a champion?”

I had given long thought to this question, knowing it would be asked. While I was sure either Zur or Kor would be willing to serve as my champion and would doubtless have a better chance of victory, this duel I wanted to fight myself.

“I will represent myself.”

He turned to Ssah.

“Ssah?”

“The conditions set forth by Rahm are satisfactory.”

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