DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.
OF SYRACUSE Where Scotland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I found it by the barrenness; hard in the palm of the hand.
OF SYRACUSE Where France?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE In her forehead; armed and reverted, making war
against her heir.
OF SYRACUSE Where England?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no
whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her chin,
by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
OF SYRACUSE Where Spain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.
OF SYRACUSE Where America, the Indies?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Oh, sir, upon her nose all o’er embellished with
rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich
aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole
armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.
OF SYRACUSE Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Oh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this
drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call’d me
Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what
privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my
shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my
left arm, that I amazed ran from her as a witch:
And, I think, if my breast had not been made of
faith and my heart of steel,
She had transform’d me to a curtal dog and made
me turn i’ the wheel.
OF SYRACUSE Go hie thee presently, post to the road:
An if the wind blow any way from shore,
I will not harbour in this town to-night:
If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
Where I will walk till thou return to me.
If every one knows us and we know none,
‘Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE As from a bear a man would run for life,
So fly I from her that would be my wife.
Exit
OF SYRACUSE There’s none but witches do inhabit here;
And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence.
She that doth call me husband, even my soul
Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
Possess’d with such a gentle sovereign grace,
Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
Hath almost made me traitor to myself:
But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.
Enter ANGELO with the chain
ANGELO Master Antipholus,–
OF SYRACUSE Ay, that’s my name.
ANGELO I know it well, sir, lo, here is the chain.
I thought to have ta’en you at the Porpentine:
The chain unfinish’d made me stay thus long.
OF SYRACUSE What is your will that I shall do with this?
ANGELO What please yourself, sir: I have made it for you.
OF SYRACUSE Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.
ANGELO Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
Go home with it and please your wife withal;
And soon at supper-time I’ll visit you
And then receive my money for the chain.
OF SYRACUSE I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more.
ANGELO You are a merry man, sir: fare you well.
Exit
OF SYRACUSE What I should think of this, I cannot tell:
But this I think, there’s no man is so vain
That would refuse so fair an offer’d chain.
I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
I’ll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay
If any ship put out, then straight away.
Exit
Act 4
Scene 1
A public place.
Enter Second Merchant, ANGELO, and an Officer
Second Merchant You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much importuned you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I’ll attach you by this officer.
ANGELO Even just the sum that I do owe to you
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you
He had of me a chain: at five o’clock
I shall receive the money for the same.
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond and thank you too.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus from the courtezan’s
Officer That labour may you save: see where he comes.
OF EPHESUS While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou
And buy a rope’s end: that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates,
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.
Exit
OF EPHESUS A man is well holp up that trusts to you:
I promised your presence and the chain;
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
Belike you thought our love would last too long,
If it were chain’d together, and therefore came not.
ANGELO Saving your merry humour, here’s the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion.
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
I pray you, see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.
OF EPHESUS I am not furnish’d with the present money;
Besides, I have some business in the town.
Good signior, take the stranger to my house
And with you take the chain and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof:
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
ANGELO Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?
OF EPHESUS No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
ANGELO Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
OF EPHESUS An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.
ANGELO Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain:
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
OF EPHESUS Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.
Second Merchant The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.
ANGELO You hear how he importunes me;–the chain!
OF EPHESUS Why, give it to my wife and fetch your money.
ANGELO Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
Either send the chain or send me by some token.
OF EPHESUS Fie, now you run this humour out of breath,
where’s the chain? I pray you, let me see it.
Second Merchant My business cannot brook this dalliance.
Good sir, say whether you’ll answer me or no:
If not, I’ll leave him to the officer.
OF EPHESUS I answer you! what should I answer you?
ANGELO The money that you owe me for the chain.
OF EPHESUS I owe you none till I receive the chain.
ANGELO You know I gave it you half an hour since.
OF EPHESUS You gave me none: you wrong me much to say so.
ANGELO You wrong me more, sir, in denying it:
Consider how it stands upon my credit.
Second Merchant Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
Officer I do; and charge you in the duke’s name to obey me.
ANGELO This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me
Or I attach you by this officer.
OF EPHESUS Consent to pay thee that I never had!
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.
ANGELO Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer,
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorn me so apparently.
Officer I do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.
OF EPHESUS I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.
ANGELO Sir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.
Enter DROMIO of Syracuse, from the bay
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
I have convey’d aboard; and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae.
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.
OF EPHESUS How now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep,