She thought for a moment about challenging Awb to deny that that was a reminder of the doom the planet faced, another promise of the dense gas-cloud the sun was drifting towards. But she lacked the courage.
She remained meekly where she was until he was done, and then— equally meekly—made her way towards him, surrounded by a gaggle of his admirers. Most were young she’uns, doubtless hoping for a bud from so famous a teacher.
In old age her own sterility had become a source of gall to Thilling; she strove not to let it prey on her pith.
There was little chance, though, of actually reaching Awb in this small but dense throng, for everyone was respectfully lowering as they clustered about him, leaving no gaps for passage. Hating to make herself conspicuous, but seeing no alternative, she did the opposite and erected to full height … such as it was at her age.
“Awb, it’s Thilling! Do you remember me? We used to know each other many years ago!”
There was a startled pause, and all eyes turned on her. A whiff of hostility reached her—how dare this old’un claim acquaintance with the master? But then Awb replied, in a gruffer and lower voice than when addressing the crowd.
“I remember you. Wait until the rest have gone.”
And he dismissed them with gentle shooing motions of his mantle. Disappointed but compliant, they wandered off.
When they were alone but for two thick-set individuals who appeared to be his permanent attendants, his age-dimmed eye surveyed her from crest to pad.
“Oh, yes. It is the same Thilling in spite of the time that’s passed. Your voice has changed, but so has mine, I imagine … Tell me, are you still subject to your delusion about being able to recruit people to the Jingfired?”
Delusion?
For an instant Thilling, who had devoted her entire life to the cause she regarded as the greatest in history, wished she might hurl herself bodily at him, shred his mantle with claws and mandibles before his companions could prevent her. But she conquered the impulse, as she had overcome so many before, and a gust of wind dispersed her betraying anger-stink.
With careful effort she said, “Why do you call it a delusion?”
He stiffened back, again examining her curiously. “Hmm! Persistent, I gather! Well, if you’ve come for help, I might perhaps—”
“You haven’t answered my question. As once, long ago, you failed to answer another.”
Missing the allusion, he countered, “Does it really call for an answer? But for the sake of an old friendship, I’ll offer one.”
Friendship? Is that what he calls it now? When he begged to be made my apprentice, and ran away as soon as he knew his budder was dead and couldn’t plague him anymore?
But Thilling feigned composure in spite of all.
“How life has treated you, I’m unaware, though I suspect unkindly. For myself, I’ve forced it to treat me well, with the result that I’m now acquainted with the Councils of the Jingflred in every city on every continent and every ocean. They send embassies to me seeking advice and guidance, they anxiously await the appearance of Voosla on the horizon, they take my words and convert them into action—with what advantages to all, you may observe.” A large gesture to indicate the globe. “Not one of those people has ever mentioned you. But don’t worry. I’ve kept your affliction secret for the most part, though I confess I may now and then have referred to it during some of my lectures, purely as an illustrative example, you understand.”
Everything came clear to Thilling on the instant. Of course! He had confused her with Byra … Her voice level, she said, “I take it you have studied Jinglore, then?”
“To some extent”—in an offclaw tone. “It does furnish a store of poetic metaphors and images, which may help us the better to understand our experience of dreamness. But that’s all.”
“I regret to say you’re wrong. Just as wrong as you are about my so-called ‘delusion.’ ” She moved so close that, had she been a total stranger, the trespass on his private space would have been an insult, and continued before the bodyguards could intervene.