No, I do not regret not going with Raife that night.
But I do regret not trusting him.
Tomorrow I will make preparation to return to Pengraic Castle. The journey there may likely half kill me with fatigue, but that no longer matters. I am dying and I need to return to Pengraic. My son Hugh will come with me.
Thus ends my life, thus ends my testimony.
Owain may write the final words if he wishes.
May God forgive me for what I am about to do, and may my soul find rest. Owain, I wish you a blessed life, and peace, and I thank you with all my heart for writing down these, my words.
Do with them what you will.
May the gods of the land and the seasons have mercy on my soul, and may sweet Jesu forgive me that my soul shall not be his.
The Testimony of Hugh De Mortaigne, Earl of Wessex,
Known as Hugh the Wolf
This my testimony, writ the week after my beloved mother’s death. I have abandoned Pengraic Castle and am currently resident in Glowecestre. I have left my brother Geoffrey’s fool wife Erheld to wonder where my mother’s body is. She will not bother to wonder long. She will just be glad the old woman is dead, finally.
All I wanted to do was to get out of Pengraic Castle on that dawn following my lady mother’s passing. I’d had enough — of Erheld, of the damned castle, of the emptiness of my life. I had only wanted to stay long enough to secure this my mother’s testimony, order my horse saddled, and then leave.
Can you imagine if Geoffrey had read this? Sweet saints, he would have burned it and then spent the rest of his life trying to cleanse the sin out of Pengraic and the stain out of his own soul.
Of course, that might have been quite amusing to watch, and would have provided me with no end of humorous ways to needle him.
But it is far better he never know the entirety of his parents’ lives.
My mother wanted Owain to write this epilogue to her testimony. But Owain is dead, and it is up to me to recall my mother, and speak as witness to her passing.
What will I do with this testimony then? Pass it to my favoured child, I suppose. I can entrust Guietta with this.
My mother, Mistress Maeb Langtofte, Countess of Pengraic, mistress of King Edmond, mother to five children. I loved her. Deeply. My lady mother spoke of her love for me in her testimony, but little of what I felt for her. I have never loved another woman like I loved my mother. I have never loved another person like I loved my mother, although my love and esteem for Edmond came close. I was fortunate to have been raised under Edmond’s parentage. I don’t think either I or my real father would have lasted more than a year without one of us killing the other if we’d been forced to inhabit under the same roof.
You may wonder how much of my mother’s testimony has been Owain’s voice, how much of him filtered through his pen into my mother’s words. Not much, I have to say. This document was my mother through and through, from her extraordinary inability to understand how lovely she was (and what power that could give her) to how sweetly foolish she was to not understand those about her, from my father to me.
How she ever thought that I really believed Edmond was my true father I do not know. I kept up the pretence, but I thought that she would surely have realised that pretence. She kept her innocence, and her innocence of vision, until the day she died. I also cannot believe that I fooled her completely into thinking I had forgot that day when I was six, and I met Stephen and Uda for the first time on the falloway. How can any mature woman be so misled by a child? My mother, saints bless her!
Oh, how I loved her. I twisted her around my little finger all the days of my life and she never knew it. But I never caused her harm nor hurt. Not her. Not Edmond. They were the two I never hurt. Everyone else has been game for the hunt.
My mother I watched over until the moment of her death. I was her salvation, bred by my father partly for that purpose.
But more of that later.
I am grateful Geoffrey was not at Pengraic Castle when we arrived. We had enough trouble with his wife Erheld. The thought of what may have happened had Geoffrey been there appals me.
Few people like or respect Geoffrey. They might respect his power and station in life, but they do not respect the man. Not my lady mother Maeb. Not Edmond, not Geoffrey’s own somewhat pathetic wife, not even King Richard, sitting pretty on his new and much-anticipated throne. People only tolerate Geoffrey for his wealth and his rank. Otherwise Geoffrey is a boorish, self-absorbed, self-important, talentless cunt, existing only on the strength of his father’s name and his mother’s notoriety. Jesu Christ forgive me such language in this the epilogue of my mother’s life. God knows how either my mother or my father bred him. I have always held the suspicion one of the imps had a bit of a hand in the making of Geoffrey. It can be the only thing that explains him.
I will not tolerate him. I piss on him. I actually did it once, too, when I was eight, and got beaten for my trouble. Not by my lady mother, mind, nor Edmond, nor even by Geoffrey himself, but by some groom Geoffrey paid to do it. That’s the kind of man Geoffrey is, even when a boy.
As for my sisters. Well, they are just women, and of little importance. They made good marriages. They claim to be happy. They have modest lives. None have died in childbirth yet. I see them rarely.
My mother, as Uda had spoken the words to her, called me the Falloway Man. I doubt she really knew what that meant — another thing my mother ignored in all her sweet innocent blindness was the fact that she, like me, was full blood of the Old People. It didn’t matter that her father didn’t have a drop of the old blood in him. The only thing Sir Godfrey did well was to make off with the Devil’s diadem from under the noses of the Templars (I chuckle whenever I think of it — Godfrey bumbled his way through life until he did the one sensible thing of his existence by pinching something the Templars wanted very, very badly). It was Maeb’s mother who counted, the forgotten Leorsythe, the parent who bequeathed Maeb her bloodline. I note in my mother’s testimony that she said several times the only thing her father left her were rags and a bloodline.
Nay, sweet mother, he left you rags only. It was your mother Leorsythe who left you the bloodline that counted.
I, of course, had the old blood handed to me by both my mother and my father, and my father a prince of that line, too. I have considerable power in the mortal realm, partly because everyone assumes me Edmond’s son, partly because of the lands and titles I hold, partly because of my own beauty and what my mother called my magnetism (I have used that beauty and magnetism well; by the time I was five and twenty I had seduced half the court, men and women, to my ends), and partly because I command the falloways.
I could walk this realm at night from border to border if I wished and no one would know. I could seduce who I wished, murder who I wanted, and yet be hundreds of miles away by dawn and no one the wiser. It is a fabulous power, but I try not to misuse it. I respect the falloways and all they lead to.
Stephen, my older brother, taught me the ways of the Old People. I first met him when I was six, as my mother related, and from then until I came into my majority as a man I travelled with Stephen on the falloways once or twice a week. He was all of the old blood, too, and probably meant to be the falloway man of his age, but the plague put an end to that. Instead, after his death, he watched over my mother from the falloways and protected her as much as he could.
He was the reason she did not die from plague and hemlock. It was his horse that pushed her back, his wolves that snapped and snarled her way back into life.
I noted my mother prayed over Stephen’s grave in the chapel at Pengraic Castle. She never realised that his body was not there, although Owain knew. My father gave Stephen’s corpse back to the falloways, as I did my mother’s. Gilbert Ghent’s body was never found (he was another man of the old blood, although he was not permitted into that first falloway down which he lost my mother). Ghent’s body, too, had been given back to the falloways — probably by the bears, as there was no one else there to do it.