‘What is this diadem Henry and Madog spoke of ?’ said Owain.
Thus, breaking the promise of the privy council meeting, I told Owain about the diadem and the Devil’s efforts to get it back.
‘The plague,’ I said, ‘it is the Devil’s hound pack, sent to sniff it out.’
Owain made a sign against evil spirits, which was less a sign of the cross than it was a local gesture handed down from generations past.
‘And the Templars suspect you of harbouring the diadem?’ Owain said. ‘They think your father stole it and gave it to you?’
I nodded. ‘I am so weary, Owain, of saying that I do not have this diadem in my possession, nor do I know anything about it or where it might be. I don’t think my father had it. He certainly did not give it to me. I do not deserve this mystery or the constant suspicious eyes.’
‘My lady,’ Owain said, ‘I do not understand why my lord Pengraic allowed you to come all this way home to Pengraic Castle when you were so near your confinement. Particularly when knowledge of this diadem, and of your possible connection to it, has been noised about the realm. Sweet Lord Jesu, my lady, how many other brigands are there on the roads seeking to claim it from you?’
I did not immediately answer. I looked to the door, and saw that no one in the solar was close to it. I licked my lips, stalling for time, thinking.
‘My lady?’
‘Listen, Owain, what I tell you now you must treat as a confession. You must not tell anyone else. No one. Promise.’
His eyes narrowed in concern. ‘As a confession, then. I promise not to gossip this about.’
‘On your life, Owain. Tell no one!’
‘On my life, Maeb. Sweet God, what is happening?’
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes briefly, and told Owain about the imps that I had seen at Edmond’s Oxeneford palace and at our house in Cornhill.
Now Owain crossed himself in the manner of the Church, muttering a prayer under his breath.
‘Maeb, you must mention this to a higher ecclesiastic. He will be able to —’
‘Owain, listen.’
Haltingly, and in a very quiet voice lest I be overheard from the solar, I told him about the night I’d found my husband with the imp and what he had told me afterward.
‘That is why I hurried back here, Owain,’ I finished.
‘I could not stay with my husband. I could not.’
Owain was shocked to the core, as I had been. He sat on the bed, still holding one of my hands, his face pale, rocking slightly back and forth, back and forth, as if to comfort himself.
Eventually he gave his head a little shake, perhaps to clear it of his fugue.
‘I find this so hard,’ he said, ‘so hard.’
‘I speak the truth, Owain!’
‘I do not doubt it, my lady. I do not. But that my lord, who I have loved and respected all my life, should truly be this foul creature. I find it hard, Maeb.’
I was crying again. ‘And you think I do not, Owain?’
Owain still struggled with what I had told him.
‘All my life I thought there was something different about Pengraic,’ he said. ‘I had thought it a touch of the fairy, but instead it was the taint of hell? Oh, sweet God, Maeb. Sweet, sweet God.’
‘What am I to do?’ I whispered.
‘What, Owain?’
‘Who do you trust absolutely at court, my lady?’
I thought. Alianor de Lacy? Almost, but not enough, and I do not think she would be of any help even if I did trust her completely.
Who?
‘Edmond,’ I whispered.
‘Aye,’ Owain said, ‘I had wondered. He was picked to save you from Madog, and he was taken along the falloways in order to do so. That would not have happened unless he was of true and good spirit.’
‘More of your tales of the Old People, Owain?’ I said, trying to smile.
Owain tipped his head, acknowledging his love of folklore. ‘You should tell Edmond,’ he said, ‘if for no other reason than this is his realm that the Devil tramples over, and he should know. But also because I think he will help you, and perhaps show you the way free.’
Oh, fateful words. But I nodded, and thought on it.
Later that morning, Sewenna came to see me. I had missed her cheerful, uncomplicated disposition, and I handed her the baby.
‘Are you still feeding, Sewenna?’ I asked.
She nodded, cooing over my son.
‘Then can you take this child, as well? I do not wish to nurse him.’
Again she nodded and, folding back her chemise, put my son to the breast.
He suckled immediately, and I leaned back on my pillows, relieved.
I felt entirely disconnected from this child. I had longed for him and carried him cheerfully, but from the moment I knew what had fathered him …
I wished him no harm, but neither did I want to nurse him. Sewenna could mother him. I didn’t think I could manage it.
After Sewenna had gone I asked my women to help me wash and dress. I would sit out. I’d had enough of bed. A servant brought my meal just after midday, setting it on a small table before me and I was surprised at its size.
Did the kitchen think I should eat for a company?
But as I was enquiring, Edmond appeared, and said he would eat with me.
The servant brought a chair, and we sat, sharing the simple meal.
I felt a coldness from him and wondered at it. We talked, but only in somewhat awkward fragments and I grew increasingly uncomfortable, wondering why Edmond’s mood was so reserved.
‘You are looking much better, my lady,’ he said, finally sitting back and wiping his mouth with a napkin.
‘I am feeling so, my lord, thank you.’
‘The child?’
‘He is well also, my lord.’
‘He should be baptised before I leave,’ Edmond said. ‘I will stand as sponsor.’
‘That is a great honour. I thank you, my lord king.’
He gave a terse nod, acknowledging the thanks. ‘Much of my company shall be leaving in the morning,’ he said. ‘Many of them have long distances to travel to reach their homes.’
There was an implied criticism there, and it left me fumbling for the right words.
‘My lord, I am sorry I have been such a trouble to you and your company.’
If I had been waiting for him to wave the apology aside, then I was to be disappointed.
‘Many, if not all,’ Edmond said, ‘will talk of your strange rescue, and of the extraordinary way we were led to your side. And that in time to save you, and not Henry.’
Sweet Jesu. When Edmond and I had last spoken of this he had not been so cold, nor had his voice this accusatory tone. Had he now begun to wonder if witchery was involved in my rescue and the concurrent death of his eldest son? My witchery?
‘My lord, I —’
‘Maeb, many will remember Henry’s accusation of witchcraft against you. Many will wonder if witchery was involved in your rescue.’
I felt cold; Edmond’s words had confirmed my fears. What had people been saying about their ride along the falloway? Was Edmond regretting now that he’d listened to the knight? Had he grown doubtful? Did he feel vulnerable? Did he think my very existence might now threaten him?
Suddenly I saw a yawning chasm before me, and it held all the perils of hell. Coupled with Edmond’s coldness, it made me suddenly horribly aware of how alone I was in this world. My husband had always been there to protect me, if no one else could, and he had been a powerful protector.
But now … no, my husband was no longer my saviour.
And Edmond. Edmond, too, had always supported me, but today I could feel and hear him distancing himself and I was terror-struck. Without either my husband’s or Edmond’s support and protection, I was helpless against any who might move against me.
Who might accuse me of witchcraft.
Sweet Jesu, how had it come to this?
Edmond sighed, refilling his cup of wine and drinking of it deeply.
‘You trail intrigue and mystery and trouble behind you like some women trail scent, Maeb,’ he said.
‘You are a trouble.’
Tears filled my eyes, and I could not reply. I hung my head, hoping he would not see the tears, and stared at my hands clasped in my lap. Gone was the man who had spoken so sweetly to me in Saint John’s chapel.
‘What is wrong between you and Pengraic, Maeb?’
I thought of what Owain had said to me, that Edmond might help me, and that this was Edmond’s realm that the Devil trod over so vilely.