“Yeah, well, then again, some people just like to fight.”
* * *
We gave a hefty package to each of the three guards for them to take to their respective boss’s boss’s boss. Roxanna had included a duplicate inventory list with each package so as to keep the men out of temptation’s way. I once read that such inventories were the reason why writing was invented in the first place.
What with being in mourning for her last husband, and after that being financially challenged (that’s Political Correctese for “broke”), it had been a long time since Roxanna had thrown a party. Since this was to be the first time that she and I were to have guests over, Roxanna decided to splurge and do it up brown. A formal dinner on the Western Isles was a lot like those served in ancient Rome, except that the furniture was different. The Romans went in for big, bulky stuff, whereas on the Western Islands, the high strength of materials and the high price of them combined to make for some very spindly looking furniture. It was so skinny, in fact, that it was weeks before I felt comfortable using it. Supporting Adam’s huge bulk, it always looked as though the furniture was about to collapse, not that it ever actually felt shaky.
“I must look like a watermelon propped up on three toothpicks,” he said.
They used very little furniture, and kept their mansions very sparsely furnished. But whether it was out of storage or just rented, Roxanna arranged for enough for everybody. Besides Adam and his ladies, Roxanna’s brother and his wife Melinda were there, and Roxanna’s sister came in the company of the two men she lived with. I don’t know why the idea of two men living with one woman should bother me, but somehow it did. I couldn’t think of any reason why it should be any different, morally, than two women living with one man, as with Adam and the Pelitier sisters. So I just tried not to let my irrational feelings show. It’s not for me to judge.
Another quirk of Westronese social customs was that when you invited someone over, you automatically invited their servants as well, so we actually had about thirty people at the party instead of just ourselves and the eight invited. These extra people helped our servants out with all the preparations and serving during the party, and with cleanup afterward. And in a strange way, they also joined the party.
When we got to the dining room, the servants had a bunch of couches arranged in a circle, and you laid down rather than sitting at a table. Each person had a sort of TV table in front of him, and the maids kept the food coming. There were dozens of beeswax candles burning, evidence of Roxanna’s newfound wealth.
“Silverware” was ordinarily restricted to a clay, bone, or wooden spoon for soup and a sort of fondue spear for anything solid and messy. They used their fingers for everything else. Tonight, though, Roxanna had set out American-style place settings, to honor us, I suppose, though it turned out to be not such a good idea. A fork doesn’t work very well when you’re lying on your side, because your mouth is now vertical rather than horizontal. And you can’t use a knife and fork properly when you need your left hand to prop your head up. By the third course, we all were eating in the traditional Westronese way.
Since this was the first time we’d had guests over since my arrival on the island, and since Roxanna was wealthy now that I’d paid her, she had arranged for entertainment. She said that the group she’d engaged normally had a three-week waiting list, but there had been a last-minute cancellation that made them available for us with almost no notice at all.
They had a three-piece woodwind and percussion band, a stand-up comedian and two dancing girls. At first, the music was simple in structure, mostly a sort of plainsong, or a bit like folk music, at least while we were eating. Afterwards, while the tunes stayed simple, some of the rhythms got incredibly complicated.
I got to studying it and counting on my fingers, and as best I could tell, the lead drummer was beating out a nine count with his left foot and a thirteen count with his right hand. His other extremities were doing even stranger things, with the net result that the music acted in a way analogous to the interference patterns you can get when you’re playing with laser beams or moiré patterns on clear plastic films. They sort of automatically built up to a series of internally consistent crescendos. Hard to explain, but really interesting to listen to.
While the servants were generally ignored at all times when they weren’t actually wanted for something, they in turn felt completely at ease at such times to ignore us. They would wander in, sit down on the carpet, and enjoy the show when they didn’t have other duties elsewhere. Even the cook and the gardeners came in uninvited and watched what was going on, talking quietly among themselves as if we upperclassmen were pictures on a television.
I sometimes got the feeling that on the island, there were two separate realities, each populated by a separate group of people, who interacted only at certain prearranged points, and who were invisible to each other at all other times. Sometimes, I think I’ll never get used to the Islanders’ concept of personal service.
Most of the comedian’s humor was topical, about local celebrities that I’d never heard of, and it went right over my head, but the ladies, our guests, and the servants thought it was a riot.
And the dancing girls, well, they were an eye- opener. First off, they were both outstanding dancers, they were remarkably attractive, and they were as lithe and energetic as Olympic gymnasts. Secondly, well, what with the almost complete coverage of most of the clothing worn on the island, and all the many and pious references to religion, I had gotten the impression that these were an overly strait-laced sort of people. I was wrong.
What these fine young dancers eventually built up to was wilder and sexier than anything I’d ever seen in New Orleans, Las Vegas, or even the western suburbs of Detroit! Long before their act was through, they were completely naked, and taking remarkable liberties with our aging male bodies. Oh, I’ve seen things raunchier before, but only at a stag party and never in front of a mixed audience. Yet Roxanna and the Pelitier sisters seemed to be enjoying the show as much as anyone else!
Talking with Adam about it later that evening, he said that dance was the “Glorification of Woman,” and since our ladies had no doubts about their own femininity, they didn’t feel threatened by any one else’s. They took our applause as compliments to themselves. If American women took offense to such things, he claimed, it just supported his thesis that they were trying to be both sexes while in fact being neither.
“And did you notice that neither of the dancing girls had a hair growing anywhere below their necks?” Adam said. “If nobody here ever heard of a razor, they must have some sort of vegetable product that’s one hell of a depilatory. You might want to look into it, if you decide to keep your face cleanshaven, since your supply of blades won’t last forever.”
For a finale, the comedian set out a number of sharp stakes with wide bottoms, sort of like daggers that stood with the point straight up. When the dancers started to move among them, I got a bad feeling, and signaled it to Adam. Then one of the girls did a back flip and came down between two of the deadly things, missing each by millimeters. I was on my feet, but Adam, casts and all, was quicker.
“Stop! No more of this! In our country, we do not enjoy watching beautiful women risk their lives. Waste not, want not, after all. So get rid of those knives and do something else.”
Which was the right thing to say, with just the right touch of levity. I only wish that it had been entirely true.
We had brought a selection of wines, carbonated beers, and various liquors from the ship, including one of the barrels of rum that we had picked up in Puerto Rico. All of these were new to the locals, who had never tasted carbonated beverages, fortified wines, or distilled liquors before. The servants and performers joined in, of course, both because Adam and I, being Americans, are natural born egalitarians, and because our ladies stayed with the local habit of pretending that servants were not there when they weren’t needed. Perhaps because of their inexperience with hard liquors, the party got pretty loud and rowdy, but even then the two social classes didn’t acknowledge each other’s existence. It was as if two parties were taking place in the same space.