“What’s the use of your carrying on like that, Angela?” he said grimly, after he had listened to all this. “It isn’t as bad as you think. I’m not a liar, and I’m not a dog! You must have pieced that note I threw in the paper box together and read it. When did you do it?”
He was curious about that and about how much she knew. What were her intentions in regard to him? What in regard to Carlotta? What would she do next?
“When did I do it?” she replied. “When did I do it? What has that to do with it? What right have you to ask? Where is this woman, that’s what I want to know? I want to find her. I want to face her. I want to tell her what a wretched beast she is. I’ll show her how to come and steal another woman’s husband. I’ll kill her. I’ll kill her and I’ll kill you, too. Do you hear? I’ll kill you!” And she advanced on him defiantly, blazingly.
Eugene was astounded. He had never seen such rage in any woman. It was wonderful, fascinating, something like a great lightning-riven storm. Angela was capable of hurling thunderbolts of wrath. He had not known that. It raised her in his estimation—made her really more attractive than she would otherwise have been, for power, however displayed, is fascinating. She was so little, so grim, so determined! It was in its way a test of great capability. And he liked her for it even though he resented her abuse.
“No, no, Angela,” he said sympathetically and with a keen wish to alleviate her sorrow. “You would not do anything like that. You couldn’t!”
“I will! I will!” she declared. “I’ll kill her and you, too!”
And then having reached this tremendous height she suddenly broke. Eugene’s big, sympathetic understanding was after all too much for her. His brooding patience in the midst of her wrath, his innate sorrow for what he could not or would not help (it was written all over his face), his very obvious presentation of the fact by his attitude that he knew that she loved him in spite of this, was too much for her. It was like beating her hands against a stone. She might kill him and this woman, whoever she was, but she would not have changed his attitude toward her, and that was what she wanted. A great torrent of heart-breaking sobs broke from her, shaking her frame like a reed. She threw her arms and head upon the kitchen table, falling to her knees, and cried and cried. Eugene stood there contemplating the wreck he had made of her dreams. Certainly it was hell, he said to himself; certainly it was. He was a liar, as she said, a dog, a scoundrel. Poor little Angela! Well, the damage had been done. What could he do now? Anything? Certainly not. Not a thing. She was broken—heart-broken. There was no earthly remedy for that. Priests might shrive for broken laws, but for a broken heart what remedy was there?
“Angela!” he called gently. “Angela! I’m sorry! Don’t cry! Angela!! Don’t cry!”
But she did not hear him. She did not hear anything. Lost in the agony of her situation, she could only sob convulsively until it seemed that her pretty little frame would break to pieces.
Chapter 29
Eugene’s feelings on this occasion were of reasonable duration. It is always possible under such circumstances to take the victim of our brutalities in our arms and utter a few sympathetic or repentant words. The real kindness and repentance which consists in reformation is quite another matter. One must see with eyes too pure to behold evil to do that. Eugene was not to be reformed by an hour or many hours of agony on anyone’s part. Angela was well within the range of his sympathetic interests. He suffered with her keenly, but not enough to outrun or offset his own keen desire for what he considered his spiritual right to enjoy beauty. What harm did it do, he would have asked himself, if he secretly exchanged affectionate looks and feelings with Carlotta or any other woman who fascinated him and in turn was fascinated by him? Could an affinity of this character really be called evil? He was not giving her any money which Angela ought to have, or very little. He did not want to marry her—and she really did not want to marry him, he thought—there was no chance of that, anyhow. He wanted to associate with her. And what harm did that do Angela? None, if she did not know. Of course, if she knew, it was very sad for her and for him. But, if the shoe were on the other foot, and Angela was the one who was acting as he was acting now he would not care, he thought. He forgot to add that if he did not care it would be because he was not in love, and Angela was in love. Such reasoning runs in circles. Only it is not reasoning. It is sentimental and emotional anarchy. There is no will toward progress in it.
When Angela recovered from her first burst of rage and grief it was only to continue it further, though not in quite the same vein. There can only be one superlative in any field of endeavor. Beyond that may be mutterings and thunderings or a shining after-glow, but no second superlative. Angela charged him with every weakness and evil tendency, only to have him look at her in a solemn way, occasionally saying: “Oh, no! You know I’m not as bad as that,” or “Why do you abuse me in that way? That isn’t true,” or “Why do you say that?”
“Because it is so, and you know it’s so,” Angela would declare.
“Listen, Angela,” he replied once, with a certain amount of logic, “there is no use in brow-beating me in this way. It doesn’t do any good to call me names. You want me to love you, don’t you? That’s all that you want. You don’t want anything else. Will calling me names make me do it? If I can’t I can’t, and if I can I can. How will fighting help that?”
She listened to him pitifully, for she knew that her rage was useless, or practically so. He was in the position of power. She loved him. That was the sad part of it. To think that tears and pleadings and wrath might not really avail, after all! He could only love her out of a desire that was not self-generated. That was something she was beginning to see in a dim way as a grim truth.
Once she folded her hands and sat white and drawn, staring at the floor. “Well, I don’t know what to do,” she declared. “I suppose I ought to leave you. If it just weren’t for my family! They all think so highly of the marriage state. They are so naturally faithful and decent. I suppose these qualities have to be born in people. They can’t be acquired. You would have to be made over.”
Eugene knew she would not leave him. He smiled at the superior condescension of the last remark, though it was not intended as such by her. To think of his being made over after the model Angela and her relatives would lay down!
“I don’t know where I’d go or what I’d do,” she observed. “I can’t go back to my family. I don’t want to go there. I haven’t been trained in anything except school teaching, and I hate to think of that again. If I could only study stenography or book-keeping!” She was talking as much to clear her own mind as his. She really did not know what to do.
Eugene listened to this self-demonstrated situation with a shamed face. It was hard for him to think of Angela being thrown out on the world as a book-keeper or a stenographer. He did not want to see her doing anything like that. In a way, he wanted to live with her, if it could be done in his way—much as the Mormons might, perhaps. What a lonely life hers would be if she were away from him! And she was not suited to it. She was not suited to the commercial world—she was too homey, too housewifely. He wished he could assure her now that she would not have further cause for grief and mean it, but he was like a sick man wishing he could do the things a hale man might. There was no self-conviction in his thoughts, only the idea that if he tried to do right in this matter he might succeed, but he would be unhappy. So he drifted.
In the meanwhile Eugene had taken up his work with Deegan and was going through a very curious experience. At the time Deegan had stated that he would take him he had written to Haverford, making a polite request for transfer, and was immediately informed that his wishes would be granted. Haverford remembered Eugene kindly. He hoped he was improving. He understood from inquiry of the Superintendent of Buildings that Deegan was in need of a capable assistant, anyhow, and that Eugene could well serve in that capacity. The foreman was always in trouble about his reports. An order was issued to Deegan commanding him to receive Eugene, and another to Eugene from the office of the Superintendent of Buildings ordering him to report to Deegan. Eugene went, finding him working on the problem of constructing a coal bin under the depot at Fords Centre, and raising as much storm as ever. He was received with a grin of satisfaction.