The Gilded Age by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner

every Congressman well–even familiarly.”

“Very good. Do you know any of their signatures? Do you know their

handwriting?”

“Why I know their handwriting as well as I know my own–have had

correspondence enough with them, I should think. And their signatures–

why I can tell their initials, even.”

The president went to a private safe, unlocked it and got out some

letters and certain slips of paper. Then he said:

Now here, for instance; do you believe that that is a genuine letter?

Do you know this signature here?–and this one? Do you know who those

initials represent–and are they forgeries?”

Harry was stupefied. There were things there that made his brain swim.

Presently, at the bottom of one of the letters he saw a signature that

restored his equilibrium; it even brought the sunshine of a smile to his

face.

The president said:

“That one amuses you. You never suspected him?”

“Of course I ought to have suspected him, but I don’t believe it ever

really occurred to me. Well, well, well–how did you ever have the nerve

to approach him, of all others?”

“Why my friend, we never think of accomplishing anything without his

help. He is our mainstay. But how do those letters strike you?”

“They strike me dumb! What a stone-blind idiot I have been!”

“Well, take it all around, I suppose you had a pleasant time in

Washington,” said the president, gathering up the letters; “of course you

must have had. Very few men could go there and get a money bill through

without buying a single”

“Come, now, Mr. President, that’s plenty of that! I take back everything

I said on that head. I’m a wiser man to-day than I was yesterday, I can

tell you.”

“I think you are. In fact I am satisfied you are. But now I showed you

these things in confidence, you understand. Mention facts as much as you

want to, but don’t mention names to anybody. I can depend on you for

that, can’t I?”

“Oh, of course. I understand the necessity of that. I will not betray

the names. But to go back a bit, it begins to look as if you never saw

any of that appropriation at all?”

“We saw nearly ten thousand dollars of it–and that was all. Several of

us took turns at log-rolling in Washington, and if we had charged

anything for that service, none of that $10,000 would ever have reached

New York.”

“If you hadn’t levied the assessment you would have been in a close place

I judge?”

“Close? Have you figured up the total of the disbursements I told you

of?”

“No, I didn’t think of that.”

Well, lets see:

Spent in Washington, say, ……….. $191,000

Printing, advertising, etc., say …. $118,000

Charity, say, ………………….. $16,000

Total, …………… $325,000

“The money to do that with, comes from–

Appropriation, …………………. $200,000

Ten per cent. assessment on capital of

$1,000,000 ………………… $100,000

Total, …………… $300,000

“Which leaves us in debt some $25,000 at this moment. Salaries of home

officers are still going on; also printing and advertising. Next month

will show a state of things!”

“And then-burst up, I suppose?”

“By no means. Levy another assessment”

“Oh, I see. That’s dismal.”

“By no means.”

“Why isn’t it? What’s the road out?”

“Another appropriation, don’t you see?”

“Bother the appropriations. They cost more than they come to.”

“Not the next one. We’ll call for half a million–get it and go for a

million the very next month.” “Yes, but the cost of it!”

The president smiled, and patted his secret letters affectionately. He

said:

“All these people are in the next Congress. We shan’t have to pay them a

cent. And what is more, they will work like beavers for us–perhaps it

might be to their advantage.”

Harry reflected profoundly a while. Then he said:

“We send many missionaries to lift up the benighted races of other lands.

How much cheaper and better it would be if those people could only come

here and drink of our civilization at its fountain head.”

“I perfectly agree with yon, Mr. Beverly. Must you go? Well, good

morning. Look in, when you are passing; and whenever I can give you any

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