The Gilded Age by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner

and feverish in his haste, as if in constant apprehension that tomorrow

would be Judgment Day. Work while Congress is in session, said the

uneasy spirit, for in the recess there is no work and no device.

The Colonel enjoyed this bustle and confusion amazingly; he thrived in

the air of-indefinite expectation. All his own schemes took larger shape

and more misty and majestic proportions; and in this congenial air, the

Colonel seemed even to himself to expand into something large and

mysterious. If he respected himself before, he almost worshipped Beriah

Sellers now, as a superior being. If he could have chosen an official

position out of the highest, he would have been embarrassed in the

selection. The presidency of the republic seemed too limited and cramped

in the constitutional restrictions. If he could have been Grand Llama of

the United States, that might have come the nearest to his idea of a

position. And next to that he would have luxuriated in the irresponsible

omniscience of the Special Correspondent.

Col. Sellers knew the President very well, and had access to his presence

when officials were kept cooling their heels in the Waiting-room. The

President liked to hear the Colonel talk, his voluble ease was a

refreshment after the decorous dullness of men who only talked business

and government, and everlastingly expounded their notions of justice and

the distribution of patronage. The Colonel was as much a lover of

farming and of horses as Thomas Jefferson was. He talked to the

President by the hour about his magnificent stud, and his plantation at

Hawkeye, a kind of principality–he represented it. He urged the

President to pay him a visit during the recess, and see his stock farm.

“The President’s table is well enough,” he used to say, to the loafers

who gathered about him at Willard’s, “well enough for a man on a salary,

but God bless my soul, I should like him to see a little old-fashioned

hospitality–open house, you know. A person seeing me at home might

think I paid no attention to what was in the house, just let things flow

in and out. He’d be mistaken. What I look to is quality, sir. The

President has variety enough, but the quality! Vegetables of course you

can’t expect here. I’m very particular about mine. Take celery, now–

there’s only one spot in this country where celery will grow. But I an

surprised about the wines. I should think they were manufactured in the

New York Custom House. I must send the President some from my cellar.

I was really mortified the other day at dinner to see Blacque Bey leave

his standing in the glasses.”

When the Colonel first came to Washington he had thoughts of taking the

mission to Constantinople, in order to be on the spot to look after the

dissemination, of his Eye Water, but as that invention; was not yet quite

ready, the project shrank a little in the presence of vaster schemes.

Besides he felt that he could do the country more good by remaining at

home. He was one of the Southerners who were constantly quoted as

heartily “accepting the situation.”

“I’m whipped,” he used to say with a jolly laugh, “the government was too

many for me; I’m cleaned out, done for, except my plantation and private

mansion. We played for a big thing, and lost it, and I don’t whine, for

one. I go for putting the old flag on all the vacant lots. I said to

the President, says I, “Grant, why don’t you take Santo Domingo, annex

the whole thing, and settle the bill afterwards. That’s my way. I’d,

take the job to manage Congress. The South would come into it. You’ve

got to conciliate the South, consolidate the two debts, pay ’em off in

greenbacks, and go ahead. That’s my notion. Boutwell’s got the right

notion about the value of paper, but he lacks courage. I should like to

run the treasury department about six months. I’d make things plenty,

and business look up.”

The Colonel had access to the departments. He knew all the senators and

representatives, and especially, the lobby. He was consequently a great

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223

Leave a Reply 0

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *