The Gilded Age by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner

Sellers no longer, impecunious but this day, also, or at farthest the

next, the jury in Laura’s Case would come to a decision of some kind or

other–they would find her guilty, Washington secretly feared, and then

the care and the trouble would all come back again, and these would be

wearing months of besieging judges for new trials; on this day, also, the

re-election of Mr. Dilworthy to the Senate would take place. So

Washington’s mind was in a state of turmoil; there were more interests at

stake than it could handle with serenity. He exulted when he thought of

his millions; he was filled with dread when he thought of Laura. But

Sellers was excited and happy. He said:

“Everything is going right, everything’s going perfectly right. Pretty

soon the telegrams will begin to rattle in, and then you’ll see, my boy.

Let the jury do what they please; what difference is it going to make?

To-morrow we can send a million to New York and set the lawyers at work

on the judges; bless your heart they will go before judge after judge and

exhort and beseech and pray and shed tears. They always do; and they

always win, too. And they will win this time. They will get a writ of

habeas corpus, and a stay of proceedings, and a supersedeas, and a new

trial and a nolle prosequi, and there you are! That’s the routine, and

it’s no trick at all to a New York lawyer. That’s the regular routine

–everything’s red tape and routine in the law, you see; it’s all Greek

to you, of course, but to a man who is acquainted with those things it’s

mere–I’ll explain it to you sometime. Everything’s going to glide right

along easy and comfortable now. You’ll see, Washington, you’ll see how

it will be. And then, let me think ….. Dilwortby will be elected

to-day, and by day, after to-morrow night be will be in New York ready to

put in his shovel–and you haven’t lived in Washington all this time not

to know that the people who walk right by a Senator whose term is up

without hardly seeing him will be down at the deepo to say ‘Welcome back

and God bless you; Senator, I’m glad to see yon, sir!’ when he comes

along back re-elected, you know. Well, you see, his influence was

naturally running low when he left here, but now he has got a new six-

years’ start, and his suggestions will simply just weigh a couple of tons

a-piece day after tomorrow. Lord bless you he could rattle through that

habeas corpus and supersedeas and all those things for Laura all by

himself if he wanted to, when he gets back.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” said Washington, brightening, but it is so.

A newly-elected Senator is a power, I know that.”

“Yes indeed he is. –Why it, is just human nature. Look at me. When we

first carne here, I was Mr. Sellers, and Major Sellers, Captain Sellers,

but nobody could ever get it right, somehow; but the minute our bill

went, through the House, I was Col. Sellers every time. And nobody could

do enough for me, and whatever I said was wonderful, Sir, it was always

wonderful; I never seemed to say any flat things at all. It was Colonel,

won’t you come and dine with us; and Colonel why don’t we ever see you at

our house; and the Colonel says this; and the Colonel says that; and we

know such-and-such is so-and-so because my husband heard Col. Sellers say

so. Don’t you see? Well, the Senate adjourned and left our bill high,

and dry, and I’ll be hanged if I warn’t Old Sellers from that day, till

our bill passed the House again last week. Now I’m the Colonel again;

and if I were to eat all the dinners I am invited to, I reckon I’d wear

my teeth down level with my gums in a couple of weeks.”

“Well I do wonder what you will be to-morrow; Colonel, after the

President signs the bill!”

“General, sir?–General, without a doubt. Yes, sir, tomorrow it will be

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