The Gilded Age by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner

Mr. Noble–“Contempt of whom?”

“Of the Committee! Of the Senate of the United States!”

Mr. Noble–“Then I am become the acknowledged representative of a nation.

You know as well as I do that the whole nation hold as much as three-

fifths of the United States Senate in entire contempt.–Three-fifths of

you are Dilworthys.”

The Sergeant-at-arms very soon put a quietus upon the observations of the

representative of the nation, and convinced him that he was not, in the

over-free atmosphere of his Happy-Land-of-Canaan:

The statement of Senator Dilworthy naturally carried conviction to the

minds of the committee.–It was close, logical, unanswerable; it bore

many internal evidences of its, truth. For instance, it is customary in

all countries for business men to loan large sums of money in bank bills

instead of checks. It is customary for the lender to make no memorandum

of the transaction. It is customary, for the borrower to receive the

money without making a memorandum of it, or giving a note or a receipt

for it’s use–the borrower is not likely to die or forget about it.

It is customary to lend nearly anybody money to start a bank with

especially if you have not the money to lend him and have to borrow it

for the purpose. It is customary to carry large sums of money in bank

bills about your person or in your trunk. It is customary to hand a

large sure in bank bills to a man you have just been introduced to (if he

asks you to do it,) to be conveyed to a distant town and delivered to

another party. It is not customary to make a memorandum of this

transaction; it is not customary for the conveyor to give a note or a

receipt for the money; it is not customary to require that he shall get a

note or a receipt from the man he is to convey it to in the distant town.

It would be at least singular in you to say to the proposed conveyor,

“You might be robbed; I will deposit the money in a bank and send a check

for it to my friend through the mail.”

Very well. It being plain that Senator Dilworthy’s statement was rigidly

true, and this fact being strengthened by his adding to it the support of

“his honor as a Senator,” the Committee rendered a verdict of “Not proven

that a bribe had been offered and accepted.” This in a manner exonerated

Noble and let him escape.

The Committee made its report to the Senate, and that body proceeded to

consider its acceptance. One Senator indeed, several Senators–objected

that the Committee had failed of its duty; they had proved this man Noble

guilty of nothing, they had meted out no punishment to him; if the report

were accepted, he would go forth free and scathless, glorying in his

crime, and it would be a tacit admission that any blackguard could insult

the Senate of the United States and conspire against the sacred

reputation of its members with impunity; the Senate owed it to the

upholding of its ancient dignity to make an example of this man Noble–

he should be crushed.

An elderly Senator got up and took another view of the case. This was a

Senator of the worn-out and obsolete pattern; a man still lingering among

the cobwebs of the past, and behind the spirit of the age. He said that

there seemed to be a curious misunderstanding of the case. Gentlemen

seemed exceedingly anxious to preserve and maintain the honor and dignity

of the Senate.

Was this to be done by trying an obscure adventurer for attempting to

trap a Senator into bribing him? Or would not the truer way be to find

out whether the Senator was capable of being entrapped into so shameless

an act, and then try him? Why, of course. Now the whole idea of the

Senate seemed to be to shield the Senator and turn inquiry away from him.

The true way to uphold the honor of the Senate was to have none but

honorable men in its body. If this Senator had yielded to temptation and

had offered a bribe, he was a soiled man and ought to be instantly

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