The Gilded Age by Mark Twain and Charles Dudley Warner

question about that. There was not a friend to the measure in the House

committee when I began, and not a friend in the Senate committee except

old Dil himself, but they were all fixed for a majority report when I

hauled off my forces. Everybody here says you can’t get a thing like

this through Congress without buying committees for straight-out cash on

delivery, but I think I’ve taught them a thing or two–if I could only

make them believe it. When I tell the old residenters that this thing

went through without buying a vote or making a promise, they say, ‘That’s

rather too thin.’ And when I say thin or not thin it’s a fact, anyway,

they say, ‘Come, now, but do you really believe that?’ and when I say I

don’t believe anything about it, I know it, they smile and say, ‘Well,

you are pretty innocent, or pretty blind, one or the other–there’s no

getting around that.’ Why they really do believe that votes have been

bought–they do indeed. But let them keep on thinking so. I have found

out that if a man knows how to talk to women, and has a little gift in

the way of argument with men, he can afford to play for an appropriation

against a money bag and give the money bag odds in the game. We’ve raked

in $200,000 of Uncle Sam’s money, say what they will–and there is more

where this came from, when we want it, and I rather fancy I am the person

that can go in and occupy it, too, if I do say it myself, that shouldn’t,

perhaps. I’ll be with you within a week. Scare up all the men you can,

and put them to work at once. When I get there I propose to make things

hum.” The great news lifted Sellers into the clouds. He went to work on

the instant. He flew hither and thither making contracts, engaging men,

and steeping his soul in the ecstasies of business. He was the happiest

man in Missouri. And Louise was the happiest woman; for presently came a

letter from Washington which said:

“Rejoice with me, for the long agony is over! We have waited patiently

and faithfully, all these years, and now at last the reward is at hand.

A man is to pay our family $40,000 for the Tennessee Land! It is but a

little sum compared to what we could get by waiting, but I do so long to

see the day when I can call you my own, that I have said to myself,

better take this and enjoy life in a humble way than wear out our best

days in this miserable separation. Besides, I can put this money into

operations here that will increase it a hundred fold, yes, a thousand

fold, in a few months. The air is full of such chances, and I know our

family would consent in a moment that I should put in their shares with

mine. Without a doubt we shall be worth half a million dollars in a year

from this time–I put it at the very lowest figure, because it is always

best to be on the safe side–half a million at the very lowest

calculation, and then your father will give his consent and we can marry

at last. Oh, that will be a glorious day. Tell our friends the good

news–I want all to share it.”

And she did tell her father and mother, but they said, let it be kept

still for the present. The careful father also told her to write

Washington and warn him not to speculate with the money, but to wait a

little and advise with one or two wise old heads. She did this. And she

managed to keep the good news to herself, though it would seem that the

most careless observer might have seen by her springing step and her

radiant countenance that some fine piece of good fortune had descended

upon her.

Harry joined the Colonel at Stone’s Landing, and that dead place sprang

into sudden life. A swarm of men were hard at work, and the dull air was

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