The Lighter Side By Keith Laumer

“Bandon, learn to do something that other people want or need and you won’t have to worry about being stepped on. Most of the shrill cries of social injustice come from people who contribute nothing to the scene that a chimpanzee couldn’t do better. Why do you think people treasure the few really talented singers, actors, ball players, medical men, engineers that crop up? Because there are far too few of them—every one is a treasure. And if a new man comes along and writes a song that reaches out and touches something in everybody, he doesn’t have to worry about being picked on. His fans won’t let anything happen to him.”

“Well, maybe I could start up an archery class, like you said. You suppose folks would come and want to learn?”

“Try it and find out. If there’s something in archery that makes you love it, there’ll be others that will get the same thrill. Be best at something—and let the world know it.”

“Hey, Chester, look down there. A line running right across the countryside.”

“A road,” Chester explained. “That’s good. We can follow it right back to town.”

“And way up ahead—looks like buildings, away off.”

“That’s possible. From this altitude, the Tricennium should be visible; it’s only about fifteen miles.”

Chester squinted overhead for cumulus clouds, steered for the shadow of the nearest. The updraft rocket the tiny craft. “All right, Bandon, here we go.” He banked the glider to the right and struck out for the distant city.

* * *

Half an hour later the glider whistled in past a row of tall trees, cleared an outlying house by inches, settled in over a broad green lawn. It skimmed for a hundred yards, then dropped with a mild jar to skid for another fifty feet before heeling over with one wing tip scooping up turf, describing an abrupt arc and coming to rest.

“Whew!” Chester sighed. He rose to hands and knees and looked around at the well-manicured greenery, the peaceful rooflines and the half-dozen men coming across the lawn at a jog trot.

“Get ready for a rude reception, Bandon. I’m not certain these fellows quite appreciate my little contribution to society. They may be the pushy kind.”

“Well, I’d like to see ’em try it with me,” Bandon growled.

“Don’t leap to any untenable conclusions: they’re a mild-looking lot, but they’re full of surprises.”

The leading greeter came up. “Extraordinary!” he commented, looking at the glider, Chester, Bandon and the long groove in the velvety lawn. “Where in the world did you come from?”

A second man came up. “Now, Gayme, what did I tell you? A stiff-winged, manned aircraft. Look at these two chaps. As ordinary a pair as you’d care to meet. So much for your talk of the supernormal.”

“The manifestation is, I insist, supernormal, in the sense that it surpasses the ordinary run of events. Note the lack of motive power. How did such an assemblage of artifacts and personnel come to be up there to begin with?”

“Look here,” Chester said.

“Tut, tut, Gayme. I’m sure there’s a simple, rational explanation. I suggest we start at the beginning by asking a few questions.” He eyed Bandon. “You, sir. Do you mind telling me just how you came to descend from an empty sky?”

“Sure, easy,” Bandon said. “I live on a cloud, and I just came down to get a refill on moonbeams. Any other questions? If not, how about a few eats? I’m hungry.”

“Ah-hah,” Gayme crowed. “Just as I suspected. We’ll consult Norgo.”

“This is where I came in,” Chester said. “Look, Bandon, I’ll just slip over to the town square and see to a few things. I may not see you again. If I don’t, I hereby will you full rights to the glider. Don’t let them euchre you out of it; they’re good at appropriating things in the name of science. And work on your archery.”

“Hold on, Chester. Say, I figure we get on pretty good together. I figured you and I’d stick together.”

“Sorry, Bandon, old chap. It’s been a most rewarding experience, but I have some unfinished business to attend to—if it isn’t altogether too late. I’m going to find an inconspicuous corner and lie low for a few hours. Good luck.”

Bandon took his hand. “Well, all right, Chester. Sorry about getting’ you into that fix back there.”

“Thus,” Gayme droned on, “the phenomenon is related to the spontaneous precipitation of frogs sometimes reported from outlying areas.”

“Who is outlying whom?” his friend inquired archly. “Now, I . . . ”

Chester moved off quietly across the lawn. No one called after him.

In gathering twilight Chester moved across the square toward the shadows of the cupola, the scene of his arrival ten months earlier. As he reached the flower bed ringing the monument, a tall figure stepped before him, peered at Chester’s lithe, broad-shouldered figure, his tanned face, sinewy arms, short-clipped sun-bleached hair and tight-fitting Tricennium costume.

“Oh, sorry,” he said. “I was waiting for the poor little nincompoop who had the fixation regarding the rug. They say he slipped away from the Center right in the middle of the experiment. You’re one of Norgo’s crew?”

“I’m the poor little nincompoop,” Chester said flatly. “Get out of my way, Devant.”

“Wha . . . ? Is it really you?”

“It’s really me—and I’m reclaiming my property now.”

Devant laughed. “Still the same pathetic line, eh? Well, Norgo warned that you’d probably head for here. I’ll take you back now to finish your course of experimental study.”

“I graduated.”

“Oh, really?” Devant laughed again easily, reached for Chester. There was a brief flurry of motion and Devant hit the pavement—hard.

“Glad I ran into you, Devant,” Chester said, stepping over him. “That’s one piece of unfinished business out of the way. If I find I’m too late to help my friends, I’ll be back to finish the job.”

Devant scrambled up with a shout. There were answering calls, the pad of running feet. Chester sprinted for the rug, veered around a stone bench, made out the dim outline of a chair. An overhead light glared suddenly, showing Chester a ring of men closing in, Norgo in the lead, holding up a hand. The posse halted.

“Computer, are you there?” Chester called urgently. There was a long pause.

“Chester, you know you aren’t allowed on the rug,” Norgo called. “Just come along quietly now.”

“Watch him,” Devant cautioned, dabbing at his cheek. “He’s learned a few tricks.”

“Ah, Mr. Chester”—the familiar voice spoke from mid-air—”I had a little difficulty in locating you.”

“Stand by,” Chester said. “I’ll be with you in a moment.” He turned to face Norgo. “I’m sorry to rush off,” he called, feet planted on the rug. “I’d have enjoyed staying longer, but personal affairs demand my attention. Give my regards to Kuve—and watch out for a rabble-rouser named Grizz. He lives up in the hills, but he’s planning on moving into town soon.”

“I had hoped your delirium would clear up once you were separated from your fetish object,” Norgo said sadly. “Too bad.” He signaled; the posse closed in.

“Goodbye, Norgo,” Chester called. “Thanks for everything. And after I’m gone, remember: accept reality. Is-not is not not-is.

“All right, Computer,” he added, “take me back to Genie.”

12

Misty twilight turned to the glare of day on a city street. Chester looked around. Nothing had changed from his last glimpse of the scene ten months before, except that the crowd had dwindled to a few die-hards. The street was still roped off, although the phalanx of squad cars had been reduced to two vehicles, each with a pair of heavyweights in the front seat, none of whom was looking his way.

“Don’t go away, Computer,” Chester said softly. “I’ll have to try to find Genie, and it may take a while.”

“Very well, Mr. Chester,” the computer’s voice replied loudly. “I’ll occupy myself with an analysis of—”

“Quiet!” Chester snapped, too late. Four round cop faces turned to stare at Chester. Car doors swung open; flat feet scrambled. Two cops advanced on Chester while two more rounded their vehicles, hitching at red leather pistol belts.

“Hey, what’s them chairs and rug doin’ back here?” one cop demanded.

“Who’re you, Bud?” another spoke up.

Chester folded his arms and glared at the lead cop. “I thought I left instructions that this area was to be watched closely,” he barked. “Who dumped these things here? You men think this is a used-furniture store?”

“What’s that?” the lead cop said, letting his mouth hang open.

“Button your coat,” Chester snapped. “And see that you shave before coming on duty next time.” He put his hands behind his back and strode along the line of cops. “Sergeant, those boots need attention. And your car needs a wash.”

“Hey, who’re you?” a cop said.

“Who’re you, sir!” Chester roared. “Don’t you know the field uniform of a Commissioner of Police when you see one?”

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