The Little Warrior by P. G. Wodehouse

For a moment Mr Pilkington felt an impulse to reveal all, but refrained. He knew his Aunt Olive too well. If she found out that he had parted at a heavy loss with this valuable property, her whole attitude towards him would change,—or, rather, it would revert to her normal attitude, which was not unlike that of a severe nurse to a weak-minded child. Even in his agony there had been a certain faint consolation, due to the entirely unwonted note of respect in the voice with which she had addressed him since the fall of the curtain. He shrank from forfeiting this respect, unentitled though he was to it.

“Yes,” he said in his precise voice. “That, of course, is so.”

“Well, then!” said Mrs Peagrim.

“But it seems so unnecessary! And think what it would cost.”

This was a false step. Some of the reverence left Mrs Peagrim’s voice, and she spoke a little coldly. A gay and gallant spender herself, she had often had occasion to rebuke a tendency to over-parsimony in her nephew.

“We must not be mean, Otie!” she said.

Mr Pilkington keenly resented her choice of pronouns. “We” indeed! Who was going to foot the bill? Both of them, hand in hand, or he alone, the chump, the boob, the easy mark who got this sort of thing wished on him!

“I don’t think it would be possible to get the stage for a supper-party,” he pleaded, shifting his ground. “Goble wouldn’t give it to us.”

“As if Mr Goble would refuse you anything after you have written a wonderful success for his theatre! And isn’t he getting his share of the profits? Directly after the performance, you must go round and ask him. Of course he will be delighted to give you the stage. I will be hostess,” said Mrs. Peagrim radiantly. “And now, let me see, whom shall we invite?”

Mr Pilkington stared gloomily at the floor, too bowed down now by his weight of cares to resent the “we,” which had plainly come to stay. He was trying to estimate the size of the gash which this preposterous entertainment would cleave in the Pilkington bank-roll. He doubted if it was possible to go through with it under five hundred dollars; and, if, as seemed only too probable, Mrs Peagrim took the matter in hand and gave herself her head, it might get into four figures.

“Major Selby, of course,” said Mrs Peagrim musingly, with a cooing note in her voice. Long since had that polished man of affairs made a deep impression upon her. “Of course Major Selby, for one. And Mr Rooke. Then there are one or two of my friends who would be hurt if they were left out. How about Mr Mason? Isn’t he a friend of yours?”

Mr Pilkington snorted. He had endured much and was prepared to endure more, but he drew the line at squandering his money on the man who had sneaked up behind his brain-child with a hatchet and chopped its precious person into little bits.

“He is not a friend of mine,” he said stiffly, “and I do not wish him to be invited!”

Having attained her main objective, Mrs Peagrim was prepared to yield minor points.

“Very well, if you do not like him,” she said. “But I thought he was quite an intimate of yours. It was you who asked me to invite him to Newport last summer.”

“Much,” said Mr Pilkington coldly, “has happened since last summer.”

“Oh, very well,” said Mrs Peagrim again. “Then we will not include Mr Mason. Now, directly the curtain has fallen, Otie dear, pop right round and find Mr Goble and tell him what you want.”

2.

It is not only twin-souls in this world who yearn to meet each other. Between Otis Pilkington and Mr Goble there was little in common, yet, at the moment when Otis set out to find Mr Goble, the thing which Mr Goble desired most in the world was an interview with Otis. Since the end of the first act, the manager had been in a state of mental upheaval. Reverting to the gold-mine simile again, Mr Goble was in the position of a man who has had a chance of purchasing such a mine and now, learning too late of the discovery of the reef, is feeling the truth of the poet’s dictum that of all sad words of tongue or pen the saddest are these—“It might have been.” The electric success of “The Rose of America” had stunned Mr Goble: and, realizing, as he did, that he might have bought Otis Pilkington’s share dirt cheap at almost any point of the preliminary tour, he was having a bad half hour with himself. The only ray in the darkness which brooded on his indomitable soul was the thought that it might still be possible, by getting hold of Mr Pilkington before the notices appeared and shaking his head sadly and talking about the misleading hopes which young authors so often draw from an enthusiastic first-night reception and impressing upon him that first-night receptions do not deceive your expert who has been fifteen years in the show-business and mentioning gloomily that he had heard a coupla the critics roastin’ the show to beat the band — by doing all these things, it might still be possible to depress Mr Pilkington’s young enthusiasm and induce him to sell his share at a sacrifice price to a great-hearted friend who didn’t think the thing would run a week but was willing to buy as a sporting speculation, because he thought Mr Pilkington a good kid and after all these shows that flop in New York sometimes have a chance on the road.

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