The Little Warrior by P. G. Wodehouse

“I intend to!”

“Well, that’s all, then. She lives with her uncle, a Major Selby —”

“Major Selby? What regiment?”

“I didn’t ask him,” snapped the goaded Derek. “And, in the name of heaven, what does it matter?”

“Not the Guards?”

“I tell you I don’t know.”

“Probably a line regiment,” said Lady Underhill with an indescribable sniff.

“Possibly. What then?” He paused, to play his trump card. “If you are worrying about Major Selby’s social standing, I may as well tell you that he used to know father.”

“What! When? Where?”

“Years ago. In India, when father was at Simla.”

“Selby? Selby? Not Christopher Selby?”

“Oh, you remember him?”

“I certainly remember him! Not that he and I ever met, but your father often spoke of him.”

Derek was relieved. It was abominable that this sort of thing should matter, but one had to face facts, and, as far as his mother was concerned, it did. The fact that Jill’s uncle had known his dead father would make all the difference to Lady Underhill.

“Christopher Selby!” said Lady Underhill reflectively. “Yes! I have often heard your father speak of him. He was the man who gave your father an I.O.U. to pay a card debt, and redeemed it with a check which was returned by the bank!”

“What!”

“Didn’t you hear what I said? I will repeat it, if you wish.”

“There must have been some mistake.”

“Only the one your father made when he trusted the man.”

“It must have been some other fellow.”

“Of course!” said Lady Underhill satirically. “No doubt your father knew hundreds of Christopher Selbys!”

Derek bit his lip.

“Well, after all,” he said doggedly, “whether it’s true or not —”

“I see no reason why your father should not have spoken the truth.”

“All right. We’ll say it is true, then. But what does it matter? I am marrying Jill, not her uncle.”

“Nevertheless, it would be pleasanter if her only living relative were not a swindler!— Tell me, where and how did you meet this girl?”

“I should he glad if you would not refer to her as ‘this girl.’ The name, if you have forgotten it, is Mariner.”

“Well, where did you meet Miss Mariner?”

“At Prince’s.”

“Restaurant?”

“Skating-rink,” said Derek impatiently. “Just after you left for Mentone. Freddie Rooke introduced me.”

“Oh, your intellectual friend Mr Rooke knows her?”

“They were children together. Her people lived next to the Rookes in Worcestershire.”

“I thought you said she was an American.”

“I said her father was. He settled in England. Jill hasn’t been in America since she was eight or nine.”

“The fact,” said Lady Underhill, “that the girl is a friend of Mr Rooke is no great recommendation.”

Derek kicked angrily at a box of matches which someone had thrown down on the platform.

“I wonder if you could possibly get it into your head, mother, that I want to marry Jill, not engage her as an under-housemaid. I don’t consider that she requires recommendations, as you call them. However, don’t you think the most sensible thing is for you to wait till you meet her at dinner tonight, and then you can form your own opinion? I’m beginning to get a little bored with this futile discussion.”

“As you seem quite unable to talk on the subject of this girl without becoming rude,” said Lady Underhill, “I agree with you. Let us hope that my first impression will be a favorable one. Experience has taught me that first impressions are everything.”

“I’m glad you think so,” said Derek, “for I fell in love with Jill the very first moment I saw her!”

4.

Parker stepped back, and surveyed with modest pride the dinner-table to which he had been putting the finishing touches. It was an artistic job and a credit to him.

“That’s that!” said Parker, satisfied.

He went to the window and looked out. The fog which had lasted well into the evening, had vanished now, and the clear night was bright with stars. A distant murmur of traffic came from the direction of Piccadilly.

As he stood there, the front-door bell rang, and continued to ring in little spurts of sound. If character can be deduced from bell-ringing, as nowadays it apparently can be from every other form of human activity, one might have hazarded the guess that whoever was on the other side of the door was determined, impetuous, and energetic.

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