Chauvinists on Earth will be comforted by the fact that although chauvinism may be dying out on Earth, the traditions are still being upheld in other parts of the Universe.
Eccentrica Gallumbits stood at the reception, hot with anticipation. Another rumour states that she can be hot with boredom, with disgust and while doing the dusting but only two of these can be genuinely vouched for. She could see Zaphod fighting his way to the door. She curled her leg around a small Tube supporting a drink. The small Tube dropped the drink in the excitement and ran over to his crowd of Tubes in the bar to exaggerate what happened.
“Hey Babe, what’s shaking?” Said Zaphod after a dramatic entrance that included kicking the door open, only to slam in Arthur’s face.
“Same things as always,” said Gallumbits seductively and gave a physical demonstration. “I heard the bad news on the Sub Etha.”
“Had to happen one day,” said Zaphod.
“I suppose so,” sighed Gallumbits, as seductively as the ear would allow. As she does everything seductively, it can be safely assumed that although it will no longer be mentioned, she is being seductive. “I’m wearing three black bands in memory of the sad day.”
“First time I’ve seen them worn there,” said Ford, fascinated.
“Little Ford!” Squealed Gallumbits. “It’s been ages. Have you got over your little problem yet?” Ford’s ogling was distracted.
“What problem’s this, little Ford?” Asked Zaphod, deciding to kick off the personal abuse for the evening.
“Who’s this?” Interrupted Gallumbits.
“Oh, this is just Arthur Dent, he’s a friend of Trillian. He’ll be alright if you can let him have some tea,” said Zaphod, verbally swinging his fist from Ford to Arthur.
“The Arthur Dent?” Squealed Gallumbits. She squealed a lot.
“Not this again, yes, the Arthur Dent,” said Arthur.
Gallumbits brushed past Zaphod and Ford, exciting them more than a brush should legally be allowed to. She put her arms on Arthur’s shoulders and kissed him.
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” she smouldered. “But I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure.”
Arthur’s voice decided to go falsetto when he was hoping for a rich tenor. His body was pleading for mercy and a cold shower.
“I don’t think we have,” he squeaked. “How do you do.”
“I’ve had no complaints so far.”
“Well,” said Arthur, searching for inspirational conversation in a mind filled with other matters. “That’s very good.”
“Don’t worry, she’s always after fresh blood,” said Zaphod.
“Worried, who’s worried?” Said Arthur, wondering if it was her perfume. “Not me, I’m not worried. What have I got to be worried about?”
“Nice place you’ve got here,” said Ford, glancing briefly at the decor before resuming Gallumbits watching.
“I’m proud of it,” said Gallumbits, sticking her chest out. “It’s taken a long time to get it how I wanted it, but I think it will keep everyone happy.” Arthur was swimming in a pool of ambiguity.
“I hope it lives down to your reputation,” said Zaphod.
“I’ve worked hard enough to get it that way. I’ve got to sort out some business affairs right now, but you go and enjoy yourselves, it’s all on the house tonight. I’ll catch up with you later. Especially you, Arthur.”
She touched all of them on the cheek with delicate fingers and disappeared behind a door into which Arthur had assumed was the men’s toilet because of the men queuing up outside it.
“Still looking good,” sighed Ford.
“And then some,” replied Zaphod.
“And plenty after that,” added Arthur, his voice edging down the scale to soprano.
“Well,” said Zaphod, snapping out of the trance. “Let’s observe and reserve.”
“What?” Asked Arthur.
“Let’s pick out the suitable women,” explained Zaphod. “It’s just as well I’m beyond having my style cramped.”
“But your getting married tomorrow,” protested Arthur.
“It’s because I m getting married tomorrow that we must pull tonight. Otherwise the marriage will be null and void. It’s a condition. That was one of the few good things I did as President of the Universe.”
“And do we all have to pull?” Asked Arthur.
“We’re supposed to, but we may make an exception in your case, it would be a shame to cancel the wedding because of you,” piped Ford.