“Who would go to that trouble just to read some amusing sales brochures?” Asked Arthur.
“No one, as the SCC found out to their loss,” said Ford, chuckling. “As there was no point hacking any more, sales of SCC computer terminals dropped Universewide. So the SCC gave in and put the details back on computer, but kept the planet as they had paid a fortune for it and couldn’t write it off on the books.”
“But how can anything survive on the surface with all that acid?” Asked Arthur, knowing full well he was expected to go out onto the surface shortly.
“The bad atmosphere stops 50 metres above the surface, so it’s good clean air down here,” said Ford. “The improbability drive dropped us right on the surface. We just have to hope it doesn’t rain.”
“Is it safe?” Asked Arthur.
“No way, I hear that employees who don’t come up to scratch get scratched from existence,” said Ford with a gleam in his eyes.
“Perhaps we should go back,” said Zaphod, seeing a good idea fall apart.
“No, all we’ve got to do is pass the initiative test and we’re in,” said Ford.
“Initiative test?” Said Arthur and Zaphod in unison.
The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation faced many problems when they moved to Sirius, such as getting employees, getting them to Sirius and keeping them there. The third was not a major problem as they couldn’t get off anyway, but the first two caused many headaches. The planet had been picked for it’s remoteness, which didn’t please the commuting employees, especially when they found out what happened to their ships on entering the atmosphere. So accommodation was provided on the planet, with all possible amenities also made available. The most popular of these were the Sirius Sex Cybernauts. The employees could chose the colour, shape, life form, etc. of the cybernauts to the extent of creating an exact replica of their partner, or more generally, someone else’s partner. After an initial programming bug, which resulted in the cybernauts calling out the wrong name at the height of excitement, was sorted out, the cybernauts became very successful on Sirius. However, the Marketing Division could see no potential in releasing the Sex Cybernauts for sale to the public. One was given away in a ‘Spirit of the Age’ competition, but as there was no maintenance agreement, it was never heard of again. As soon as hackers found out about the cybernauts, they realised the only way to get their hands on one would be to join the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. To handle the large influx of job applicants, the SCC devised an initiative test to weed out those who were unsuitable. The test took the form of a large number of logic test rooms where applicants had to solve a problem before passing on to the next room. As SCC logic is somewhat left field of everyone else’s logic (so left field it can often be found in the car park), most people die horribly in their attempt to conquer all the rooms. Those who do get through could wander around until they found an empty desk and then have a go at anything that took their fancy, which was generally a Sex Cybernaut.
“How do the applicant’s get down here then,” said Arthur, gazing at the big doorway ahead of him marked ‘APPLICANTS’.
“Robot ships fly them through the atmosphere,” said Ford. “They follow a precise route which avoids the acid clouds. We ought to get hold of that route before we leave, that’s bound to be worth a fortune.”
“Now you re talking my language,” said Zaphod. “Excitement, adventure and really wild things are okay, but clear, tax free profit wins hands and feet down every time!”
“Welcome to Sirius.” The jolly voice came from behind them. They turned around to see a gleaming android. If it wasn’t for the amiable aura of the robot it could have been Marvin slouching there. “I’m so glad you have decided to try to be SCC employees.”
“We don’t want to be….” Ford’s swift kick to Arthur’s shin was sufficient to temporarily disable Arthur’s vocal chords.
“We’re glad we have the opportunity,” beamed Ford. “Any tips you can give us?”