6. One member of the pursuees must suggest splitting up.
“I suggest we split up,” yelled Trillian.
“If I get hit I will split up!” Yelled Zaphod.
“This way,” yelled Arthur to Fenchurch, grabbing her hand and pulling her through a doorway.
“Split up…. NOW!” Yelled Ford. Trillian and Bolo dashed one way and Ford and Zaphod charged the other way, all of them yelling.
Another rule is that all participants must yell.
Fenchurch pulled Arthur through a doorway, almost breaking his arm as he intended going the other way.
“Shhh,” she whispered. Three jovial robots trundled by.
“We should be safe here for a while,” she eventually said, hoping the robots didn’t have super hearing.
“I don’t want to be safe for a while,” said Arthur. “I want to be safe for good.”
“Aren’t you enjoying it?” Asked Fenchurch.
“My idea of enjoyment does not include being shot at by an jolly and helpful android.”
“I know what your idea of enjoyment is. I find all this very exciting. Doesn’t it turn you on?” She slipped her arms around his waist.
“Er, not really.” He could hear the distant sounds of laser fire and apologies. “It’s all a bit distracting.”
Fenchurch did something wonderful to his ear. Arthur succumbed to the notion that if he was going to go, this was the way to do it and Fenchurch really knew how to do it. What they didn’t realise was that they were saving their lives as the robots had privacy circuits fitted which sensed arousal and caused the robots to seek another function far away.
Zaphod and Ford weren’t in any position to initiate any privacy circuits. They were desperately dodging laser fire. Zaphod was throwing himself into somersaults, crashing into walls and various other unnecessary actions that were good for effect. He rounded a corner and saw a sight to warm his heart, mouth and throat. A neon sign saying ‘BAR’.
“Hey! Was my navigation good or what?” He said as one of his heads almost got a parting from a laser he wouldn’t be able to blow dry out.
“Quick!” Said Ford, as if it was really necessary to instruct Zaphod on how to enter a bar. They crashed through the doors and into the bar. They landed in a heap on the floor.
“We usually end up like this when we leave a bar, not when we enter,” said Ford. “This is just like the good old days.”
“Yeah, adventure, excitement and really wild things.”
“Yeah, being chased.”
“Yeah.”
“The danger.”
“Yeah.”
“Risking life and limb.”
“Yeah…. Don’t you kind of long for the good new days?”
“Yeah.”
They got up and went to the bar.
“Listen, everyone,” shouted Ford.
“Yeah, listen,” reaffirmed Zaphod
“A couple of robots will be coming through that door in a minute.”
“Yeah, two evil mothers.” The crowd listened intently.
“Well, they’re not really evil, they’re quite nice about it all, they just want to kill us.”
“And do you know who I am?” Demanded Zaphod.
“Not now, Zaph old buddy, I’ve almost got them on my side,” whispered Ford. He raised his voice again for the crowd. “They want to kill us, and we don’t want that.”
“No way, said Zaphod. The gathering crowd seemed to agree.
“So if you can stop them….” Ford paused for effect. “My friend will buy you all a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster!”
“Yeah, the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster’s are on… .What, Ford?”
The cheers from the crowd drowned Zaphod protest. The nice robots entered and were almost immediately destroyed by the thirsty drinkers. They were all back at the bar before the first wisps of smoke from the robots reached the low ceiling. Zaphod’s back was slapped more times than an Arcturan mega donkey in the Betelgeuse Grand National.
“Put it on the slate,” Zaphod said to the frantic barmen, making a mental note never to visit this bar again. This was something Zaphod had done all over the Universe, but not to the religious levels that Arthur hadn’t.
Arthur and Fenchurch, having left the chase for a spot of uninhibited fun (or as uninhibited as Arthur could be knowing a team of robots were after his blood), were now back in the thick of it. A combination of luck, instinct and improbability guided them outside. They were just behind Ford and Zaphod, whose straight line capability had been seriously undermined by the victory celebration in the bar. Bolo, Trillian and Marvin were in the hatchway of the Heart of Gold.