“Nice going, Zaphod,” sighed Ford. “You’ve done some dumb things in your time and I thought I witnessed a classic just now outside but no, this takes honours.”
“Hey! Don’t come down on me,” pleaded Zaphod. “My hangovers are catching up with me.”
“If those robots catch up with you,” yelled Arthur, glad of the chance to let off some steam at Zaphod. “You’ll have a hangover you’ll never forget, or never remember, according to where you end up. I just hope I don’t end up in the same place. Purgatory would be a great alternative.”
“Is there no way off this planet without improbability drive?” Asked Bolo.
“Oh yes,” said Ford. “Dead easy way through the acid clouds, only we don’t know the co-ordinates.”
“I know the co-ordinates.”
Everyone turned to look at Marvin. He pretended to be interested in something else, which as he had no interest in anything, he didn’t do very convincingly.
“Marvin, old buddy, old mate,” gushed Zaphod. “Looks like you’ve come through for us again.”
“I said I know the co-ordinates,” said Marvin. “I didn’t say I was going to tell you.”
Zaphod aimed a wild kick at Marvin, which only resulted in Marvin not being dented and Zaphod crawling about on the floor holding his foot and whimpering in pain and lack of sympathy.
“Look, Marvin,” said Trillian, softly. “Please feed the co-ordinates into Eddie. I’m supposed to get married to Zaphod later and you wouldn’t want me to miss that, would you?”
Marvin thought about this point for a long time before he gave his answer. To everyone else, he appeared to answer back immediately.
“I don’t really care about that, but I’d rather not stay with those tiresome tin soldiers out there, they bore me to tears, where as you only bore me to distraction.” He made his way over to Eddie.
“Hi, Marvin.”
“Actually I am very low.”
“Even robots like to be greeted in a friendly and cheerful manner.”
“Well I don’t, so just shut up.”
“Most robots seem to respond well to my pleasing tones and often remark about…. OUCH!”
“I just jammed those co-ordinates right up his rectal information passage,” said Marvin.
“I like your style,” said Ford. “Okay, Eddie, get us out of here.”
“Okay fella,” said Eddie. “But could you tell Marvin to be a little more laid back about this?”
The Heart of Gold leapt into a drunken dance through the clouds. Ford and Bolo retired to their quarters to explore the hypothesis that sexual performance is affected detrimentally by stress and pressure. There was also the theory of sex after death to evaluate if the situation arose. It amounted to a lot of research to be crammed in, which explained their eagerness to get on with it.
“I don’t know how they can,” muttered Arthur.
“Perhaps if you ask them nicely they’ll let you watch,” scowled Zaphod.
Arthur reverted his attention to the monitor. He could see six small blobs gaining on the large blob that was the Heart of Gold.
“Can’t we go into hyperspace or something?” Asked Fenchurch.
“We could end up smack bang in the middle of a Supernova,” said Zaphod, purposefully flicking a handful of switches. The fact that he had only turned down the air conditioning wasn’t important, the main thing was that he was doing something.
The Heart of Gold screamed out of the acid clouds like Archimedes out of the bath having sat on something.
“Come with me,” said Zaphod, pulling Arthur along. They went through the ship until they came to a ladder. Zaphod gestured Arthur down as he started climbing up. Arthur found himself in a glass bowl on the side of the ship. He looked up and saw Zaphod in another bowl. Zaphod was seated and putting on a headset. Arthur followed suit and looked at the array of instruments in front of him. It suddenly clicked. These were the telecommunication rooms and he was going to act as a temporary telephonist to try and convince the robots they had the wrong number. He tried a few practice ‘Good morning, Heart of Gold, which number please?’ then took hold of one of the handles in front of him which he assumed was the spare telephone handset. He turned the handle and the seat changed position. He grabbed the other handle and found to his delight that he could move up, down and side to side.